Gas prices are getting ridiculous.
I went online to check the value of my car, and it asked if the tank was empty or full.
😄 😄 😄
Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign which reads, “You’re headed down a dark and dangerous path, turn back before it’s too late!”
The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later, a loud crash is heard.
One of the nuns thoughtfully says, “Sister, shall we just write ‘Attention, the bridge is demolished’?”
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I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a messi guy.
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It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
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Who’s beaver’s favorite pop singer?
Justin Beaver.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the big Lego sale?
People were lined up for blocks.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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I’ve opened three birthday cards, and I’m already $150 up.
I love being a postman!
😄 😄 😄
What is the propeller used for on an airplane?
Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.
If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.
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Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button.
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How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code.
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Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.
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On the occasion of Teachers’ Day, the teacher was having a casual chat with his students.
Teacher: “Neil, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Neil: “Sir, I want to be just like you.”
Teacher, impressed: “And why is that?”
Neil: “Because even I love doing nothing.”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what coffee and motivational coaches have in common?
They encourage people to espresso themselves!
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What do you say to an angry baked sweet potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Lenny.”
“Lenny, who?”
“Lenny know when you’re done with these April Fools’ Day jokes.”
😄 😄 😄
Why are two medians in a single data set funny?
Because it’s a co-median.
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Your mama so short people thought she was a Funko Pop.
😄 😄 😄
Recently, I’ve started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison.
It’s a tough job, but I enjoy it.
It really has its prose and cons.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon, who?”
“Bacon a cake for your birthday.”
😄 😄 😄
