What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns?
He/Hee.
😄 😄 😄
I was stuck in traffic outside Washington, DC this morning. No one was moving at all.
Then this guy knocked on my window.
I rolled it down and said, “What’s happening?”
He said, “Terrorists have taken the entire US Congress hostage, and they say they will douse them in gasoline and set them on fire if they’re not paid a 100 million dollar ransom. We’re going from car to car collecting donations.”
“How much is everyone giving?” I asked.
He said, “About a gallon.”
😄 😄 😄
What state is always surprised to see you?
Ohio.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mamma’s so ugly Rancors look at her and go “Damn, dude, she’s UGLY!”.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the computer science student read his textbook?
He couldn’t find page 404.
😄 😄 😄
I just saw a squirrel bury a nut in my back yard.
I’m going to dig it up and replace it with a chocolate bar.
That’ll blow his mind.
😄 😄 😄
Where do late sailors come from?
Missed-his-shippi.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
He wanted to get to the bottom.
😄 😄 😄
What would you hear at a very long opera about aliens?
Aria 51.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
😄 😄 😄
Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon.
But they wouldn’t let us land because the moon was full.
😄 😄 😄
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
😄 😄 😄
What is a pressing thought of every pig?
“Why do all bacon get cooked and cookies get baked?”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
😄 😄 😄
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
😄 😄 😄
My mother-in-law just asked for bath stuff for her birthday.
She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her.
😄 😄 😄
Husband whispers to wife as they’re going to sleep, “Good night, mother of six.”
“Good night, father of one,” she replies.
😄 😄 😄
Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
😄 😄 😄
People have become very naughty on WhatsApp.
Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.
😄 😄 😄
