I broke up with a girl who was missing a few toes.
Because I am lack-toes-intolerant.
😄 😄 😄
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a snowman!”
Doctor: “Keep cool.”
😄 😄 😄
Singular: one mango
Plural: Two menwent
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s no mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a landing page with a high bounce rate?
A takeoff page.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bertha.”
“Bertha, who?”
“Happy Bertha Day to you.”
😄 😄 😄
What would you hear at a very long opera about aliens?
Aria 51.
😄 😄 😄
The donut shop got robbed.
The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough.
😄 😄 😄
Looking for some fun?
Come and explore Uranus!
😄 😄 😄
Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life?
I already gave my heart to you.
😄 😄 😄
What were Stephen Hawking’s last words?
“Error 404. File not found.”
😄 😄 😄
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it?
Raisin hell!
😄 😄 😄
What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
Vanishing cream.
😄 😄 😄
How are rioters like school in July?
No class.
😄 😄 😄
I went to see a beet poet the other day.
There were lots of hip peas there.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a psychic gnome that just committed a hit and run?
A small medium at large.
😄 😄 😄
The father was telling his son a bedtime story.
Father: “Once upon a time there was a white bunny...”
Son: “Jeez, dad it’s boring, what about science fiction?”
“Ok, Ok,” said the father. “Once upon a time there was a bunny who got onto a spacecraft and...”
Son: “Dad, a little more grown up!”
“Do you promise me not to tell your mom?” asked the father.
Son: “I swear!”
Father: “Ok. Once upon a time there was a naked bunny...”
😄 😄 😄
Life is better in a sweater.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call rain on Turkey Day?
Fowl weather.
😄 😄 😄
I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?
Banned from the supermarket.
😄 😄 😄
