Good morning, sweetie!
When I get up, my initial idea is of just how you feel, after that, I obtain you a cup of coffee, placed it down, as well as back away, gradually...
😄 😄 😄
My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.
I don’t know what that means, but must be pretty good if I’ve got it.
😄 😄 😄
Why are elephant’s noses so big?
So they can scratch their bums!
😄 😄 😄
It was the first day of school.
Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”
“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”
“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”
😄 😄 😄
My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.
It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there would be some pi.
😄 😄 😄
A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost.
He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.
The man replies, “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees, 10 minutes west, 212 meters above sea level, heading due east by northeast.”
“Thanks,” replies the balloonist. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”
“Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”
“Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”
“I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. “By the way, are you a company manager?”
“Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”
“Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”
😄 😄 😄
Where do dead bowling pins go?
To the pit of doom!
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can’t be racist, because to him there are no people, just light and dark targets.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so stupid the zombies walked past her because they didn’t smell any brains.
😄 😄 😄
What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?
A Peter Parka.
😄 😄 😄
From the depths of your slumber, I summon thee.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
😄 😄 😄
You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
😄 😄 😄
Just had lunch at the Pelican Café.
The food was good but the bill was enormous!
😄 😄 😄
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed.
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
A man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian stares at him for a while, then asks, “Who’s gonna bring it back?”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so dumb she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!
😄 😄 😄
Being an electrician really wasn’t the career I wanted, but I still go to work every day with a conduit attitude.
😄 😄 😄
A man called 911 regarding a fly problem.
They sent a SWAT team.
😄 😄 😄
