Best Jokes (38)



What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

Nacho cheese.

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Which clients do short auditors like best?

Small businessmen.

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I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.

But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.

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Why do toadstools grow so close together?

They don’t need mush-room.

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What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?

β€œI’m taking you into crustody.”

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What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?

Ketch-up!

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What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka.

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β€œIt’s a long tale,” said the fox.

β€œI’m all ears,” said the elephant.

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Mornings are all about pancakes and bacon.

Now, will you please wake up and make breakfast for me?

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Quarantine has been hard. I’ve run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves.

It’s only going to get worse, though... this is just the tip of the iceberg.

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My orthopedic surgeon has the bone-dacity to tell jokes during surgery.

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What goes up when April showers come down?

An umbrella.

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A Polish man calls 911.

Operator: β€œ911, what’s your emergency?”

Pole: β€œHelp! My wife is trying to kill me!”

Operator: β€œHow do you know?”

Pole: β€œI checked her medicine cabinet and found β€˜Polish Remover’!”

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What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns?

He/Hee.

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It’s hotter than sports day in Africa out there.

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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage.

It’s now called Red Bull.

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Why did the moon break up with Uranus?

It wanted someone with a brighter personality.

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My friend said he was going to start a feeling-blue club, but I declined.

I’m more of an upbeat kind of person.

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What is a deer’s favorite boba flavor?

C-antelope!

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Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?

Your face muscles.

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