A man drove by a farm every day on his way to work, and he always saw a pig in the front yard.
One morning on his way in, he noticed the pig had a wooden leg. It was odd, but he put it out of his mind.
A couple of weeks later, he saw the pig had a second wooden leg. No longer able to contain his curiosity, we stopped by the next day on his way home and knocked on the farmer’s door.
An old man answered, and he asked him about the pig with the wooden legs. The old man thought for a few minutes before answering.
“Well, son, let me tell you about this here pig.
One day I was out plowing in the back forty, and my tractor hit a rut. It tipped over and trapped me under it. I was pinned down and slowly pushed into the mud, where I knew I was going to be smothered and die.
This pig saw what happened, ran back to the farm, and made a huge ruckus. Then, when people came out to see what was going on, he led them to me.
Yep, that pig saved my life that day.”
The man agreed that was an amazing story, but he still didn’t understand about the wooden legs.
The old farmer thought some more, then told him another story.
“Well, a couple of nights ago, my wife and I were sleeping in the house when the barn caught fire. The wind was kicking up, and it was spreading to the main house.
If it weren’t for that there pig banging on the windows and squealing and raising Cain, we would have died in that fire.
Pig saved our lives, no doubt about it.”
The man was flabbergasted, “Sir, I will grant you that is a marvelous animal, but I still don’t understand why it has two wooden legs?”
The old farmer looked out into the yard and nodded to the pig, “Son, you must be a city boy, because everybody knows a pig that good, you don’t eat all at once.”
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What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?
Shrekspeare.
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Made gluten-free spaghetti for dinner.
When I asked my boyfriend why he wasn’t eating it, he said, “It’s not real spaghetti. It’s an impasta.”
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The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in its direction.
Then it rolled up into a ball.
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Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
It’s a brand new day full of possibilities and bacon.
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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
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Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
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A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code.
He refused to comment.
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What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
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I asked the bank for a loan to open a pizza delivery by drone business.
They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.
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I got my Mom a scratchcard for Mother’s Day, but I couldn’t resist scratching it off myself. And would you believe it, it was a $10,000 winner!
I’m sure she’ll like the flowers.
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Police have arrested a gang of corn flakes that they allege committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area.
A Police spokesman described them as cereal offenders.
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Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
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What was the trickiest question on a diabetes website?
It asked if I would accept cookies.
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A gnome walks into a bar and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other.
After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night.
The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home.
He turns to the bartender and says, “Sorry, I’m a little short.”
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Why don’t Mexicans use ChatGPT?
Cos they’ll never cheat on an essay.
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A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level.
He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!”
The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures.”
“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I am a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”
The pilot was silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”
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Why did the daughter start eating donuts?
Because her mother said, “You better eat hole foods.”
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A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, doctor! I think I'm going deaf.”
And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms.”
And he says, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”
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Doctor: “I’ve got some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is you only have a week to live.”
Patient: “What could be worse news than that?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to contact you for the last 6 days.”
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