How does a koala get from one place to another?
On a gondkoala.
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Why was the burger sad?
Because he had the blue cheese.
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What is a monkey’s favorite day of the year?
The first of Ape-ril.
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What do you call a missing Warwick?
WHEREwolf.
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Yo mama so dumb she thought Call of Duty was a game about pooping.
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Good morning!
I hope your morning coffee is as strong as your enthusiasm for work!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Emma.”
“Emma, who?”
“Emma real good helper on Thanksgiving.”
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Yo daddy so fat when he goes camping, the bears hide THEIR food.
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How does a lobster answer the phone?
“Shello?”
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Yo Mama is so old Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.
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When a white guy is scared, he gets even whiter.
When he is cold, he turns blue.
When he is angry, he turns red.
When he is sick, he turns green.
When a black guy is scared, he stays black.
When he is cold, he stays black.
When he is angry, he stays black.
When he is sick, he stays black.
Black man to white man, “And you call us colored.”
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Why are all mini golf players depressed?
They have no drive.
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What does a sick ninja practice?
Kung flu.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl good things come to those who wait.”
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What do you say to the otter with a bad tooth?
“You otter see the dentist.”
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Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?
They are key workers.
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What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?
Looks like we’ve got a Tutankhamen.
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Did you know that someone tried contacting the aboriginals in Australia via smoke signal?
But the line was always busy.
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The young man, as he was golfing alone, not being able to say no, allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball—and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk, and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only three feet tall.”
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Good morning!
May your cup be filled with coffee and your tolerance for stupid people be high.
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