Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.
While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.
Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.
The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, “Mira el mosca.”
The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, “No, senor, “la mosca”, es feminina.”
Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”
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What did the egg say to the frying pan?
You crack me up.
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When we go to the beach with the kids, we use a really strong sunblock.
It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.
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A gamer dies and goes to hell.
After a week, the devil goes to God, “God! What crazy person have you sent me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, is running like crazy everywhere and yelling ‘Where is the exit to LEVEL 2?!’.”
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As an archeologist, I organized a party with my friend to help me excavate the lower leg of a T-Rex fossil.
It’s going to be quite a shin dig.
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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
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What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
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Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn’t getting any hits.
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Why did the Smurfs kick Papa Smurf out of their village?
He was giving them all the blues.
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It’s hotter than a witch’s boiling pot during Halloween.
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My Ph.D. thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii.
To understand it all, I had to visit the ancient mooins.
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I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it’s a farce of habit.
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One time Chuck Norris was pulled over, he let the cop off with a warning.
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My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home.
Guess she’s homeless.
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What did Bruce Banner say to Spider-Man?
Don’t bug me!
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I told my husband that the National Zoo’s sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies.
He said, “Now she’s guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony.”
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I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.
But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.
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What do you call someone who doesn’t believe it is June yet?
A May-sayer.
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Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Can I come over yet?
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Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
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