A Native American man lived in the big city all his life.
Then one day his father dies.
When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.
But then that autumn, the people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold winter that year.
The man has no idea, since he was raised in the city all his life and doesn’t know any of the people’s traditional teachings.
So to be on the safe side, he says, “Yes. Better start gathering firewood.”
So they do.
Later that week, he decides to call up the National Weather Service and ask them what the forecast is for that winter.
They say, “Apparently, it’s going to be pretty cold this year.”
So he orders his people to gather twice as much firewood.
The next week, he calls the weather service again to ask if there are any updates on the forecast.
They say “Yes! Apparently, it’s going to be even colder than we previously thought.”
So the chief tells his people to gather three times the firewood they normally would.
He calls the weather service one more time, and the man tells him it’s probably going to be the coldest winter in history.
The chief asks how they know that.
And the man tells him, “I have no idea, but the Indians down at the local reserve have been gathering firewood like mad!”
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Monkey sees an Elephant climbing a banana tree.
Confused, monkey calls out to elephant, “Hey, elephant, why are you climbing that tree?”
Elephant says, “I’m going to eat me a mango!”
Monkey responds, “But that isn’t a mango tree!”
Elephant says, “Don’t worry about it, I brought my own.”
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My Sister works at a pharmacy.
As a pharmasister.
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A computer scientist named Bob was about to leave to rent a movie.
As Bob was heading out, his wife said, “While you’re out, pick up some eggs.”
Bob never came back.
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I guess I must be a nine out of ten...
Cause you’re the one I need!
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Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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Good morning!
May your day be as positive as your WiFi signal.
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I hate being a depressed atheist.
Nothing to live for, nothing to die for.
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Why does Viktor always win his lane?
Because he always has the upper hand.
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Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
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Do you know what they say about wheelchairs?
People can’t stand being in them.
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Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.
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Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
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Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.
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Death must be really boring for subway drivers.
A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
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What do you call a sad berry?
A blue-fruit.
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Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
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What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
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40 is when you finally get your head together...
And your body has other ideas.
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