Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lazy man in space?
A procrastronaut.
😄 😄 😄
How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.
😄 😄 😄
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
😄 😄 😄
Who were the first people in Australia to have a six-pack?
The Ab-originals.
😄 😄 😄
The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn’t make an appointment.
It was a Joaquin.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?
A guaca-mole.
😄 😄 😄
Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.”
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this poop instead of training!”
😄 😄 😄
I told my wife, “You are so skinny!”
Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, “Just look at all this skin.”
😄 😄 😄
A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My “djbellah” protects the entire body.”
The son then asked, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These “babouches” keep us from burning our feet.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
😄 😄 😄
If Uranus is disgusting, why on earth do NASA take so many photos of it?
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?
Hip-late.
😄 😄 😄
My mom had plumbers stop at the house to fix the drain. They made so much noise!
She told them to pipe down.
😄 😄 😄
Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.
Then, the bowling ball hit me.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about McDonald’s trying to get into the high-end steakhouse market?
It was a Big Mcsteak.
😄 😄 😄
The insects that smell the best are deodor-ants.
😄 😄 😄
How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, because the change starts with you.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!
😄 😄 😄
A blonde and a brunette are in a car. Brunette: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
Blonde: “I hope it’s not the 13th.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the electrician stay home on Labor Day?
He needed to recharge his batteries.
😄 😄 😄
