My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.
And I don’t know if I should tell him.
😄 😄 😄
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building.
Security stops him and says, “There are no firearms allowed in this building.”
😄 😄 😄
A guy sees his mother-in-law riding a bicycle.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To the cemetery,” she replies.
Guy: “And who is going to return the bike?”
😄 😄 😄
One day I’m going to open a furniture store named Sofa King.
That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout “Our prices are sofa king low!”.
😄 😄 😄
I’m only posting on social media so everyone else can feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.
😄 😄 😄
Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century.
Is anyone else not offended we still don’t have a Himhe bar?
😄 😄 😄
My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day.
And now we don’t know where the heck she is!
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t ChatGPT need a vacation?
Because it’s already on cloud nine.
😄 😄 😄
One night, a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures, and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy, and I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing. I feel content in all ways,” said the nun.
“There must be something you would have of me,” said God.
“Well, there is one thing,” she said.
“Just name it,” said God.
“It’s those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.”
“Consider it done,” said God. “Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you.”
“There is one thing. But it’s really small, and not worth your time,” said the nun.
“Name it. Please,” said God.
“It’s the M&M’s,” said the nun. “They’re so hard to peel.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an otter who’s obsessed with trains?
A trainsp-otter.
😄 😄 😄
A group of friends put together a basketball team to play in the local town league and called the team “Bye”.
So far they have accumulated 4 wins from opponents’ no-shows.
😄 😄 😄
Why do bananas use sunscreen?
So they don’t peel.
😄 😄 😄
There was a mushroom on the first floor of my house.
Morel of the storey.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the paint catapult that won the competition?
It won with flying colors.
😄 😄 😄
Yo moma so lazy she sticks her nose out the door and let the air blow it.
😄 😄 😄
Have you heard about the pregnant bed bug?
She gave birth in the spring.
😄 😄 😄
It’s time to wake up and get that brain of yours working again.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don’t feed it.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Viking who can’t catch fish?
A cod-less heathen.
😄 😄 😄
