Wow, you must have extremely strong shoulders...
To hold that absolute mega-size head up.
😄 😄 😄
My sinus infection is really getting into the Christmas Spirit.
It’s all coming out green and red.
😄 😄 😄
The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.
He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
😄 😄 😄
I wrote a novel about religious women.
The library put it in the nun fiction section.
😄 😄 😄
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East.
An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”
After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”
The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”
The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between Terrell Owens and a puppy?
The puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
😄 😄 😄
Why does Spider-Man spin webs?
Because he doesn’t know how to knit.
😄 😄 😄
Why isn’t Santa allowed to shave his beard?
It’s in his Clause.
😄 😄 😄
TIL the inventor of Nachos was a notorious cheese thief.
His friends often remarked, “Hey, that’s not yo cheese.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat she played basketball with the Death Star.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between praying in church and at the track?
At the track you really mean it!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy stop eating donuts?
Because he got bored with the hole thing.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a game-winning laser?
Viktor-E.
😄 😄 😄
If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?
😄 😄 😄
Guess what my doctor told me?
Laughter is the best medicine. I guess you bring the smile to my face.
😄 😄 😄
Wake up, the garbage truck is ready to pick you up.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?
Constantine.
😄 😄 😄
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
😄 😄 😄
At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, “Didn’t you understand my joke?”
The guy replied, “Oh, I understood it, but I resigned this morning.”
😄 😄 😄
I was arguing with a construction worker. We were getting bogged down in cementics.
😄 😄 😄
