I got a haircut today, but I’m never going back to that barber.
I asked for one hair cut, and he cut all of them.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t sniper attacks work on volleyball players?
Because they always run for cover.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when he saw the full moon?
He needed to change.
😄 😄 😄
Me: “Siri, why am I still single?”
Siri activates the front camera.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the people born in April who aren’t particularly intelligent?
April fools.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?
Steven Seagull.
😄 😄 😄
Ganymede left Jupiter and flew out of the solar system last week.
I saw it today in the orbituaries.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t the UK and the USA play chess anymore?
Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers.
😄 😄 😄
Programming is 10% writing code.
And 90% understanding why it’s not working.
😄 😄 😄
Two Hippies are walking along a railroad track, stoned.
One Hippie says, “This is a really long staircase, man!”
The other Hippie says, “I don’t mind the stairs, man. It’s this low handrail thats killing me.”
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
😄 😄 😄
What did the planets drink when they wanted to bulk up?
Milky Whey.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
Aerial.
😄 😄 😄
A man calls 911.
The operator says, “911 what’s your emergency?”
The man says, “My wife is going into labour and I don’t know what to do!”
The operator calmly replies, “Okay. Calm down. Is this her first child?”
The man answers, “No, this is her husband!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Candice.”
“Candice, who?”
“Candice be the birthday cake? I’m starving!”
😄 😄 😄
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
😄 😄 😄
Is your name Google?
Because you have everything I’m searching for.
😄 😄 😄
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life.
However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it’s an auto-biography.
😄 😄 😄
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
😄 😄 😄
The hardest part about working from home is the distractions, my girlfriend never stops talking to me while I’m on my PlayStation.
😄 😄 😄
