Pros of working from home:
· No pants
· Loud music.
Cons of working from home:
· You have to make your own coffee
· You talk to yourself too much.
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Why did the disgruntled hot dog vendor quit his job?
He just didn’t relish it.
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When Uranus threw a party, everyone was over the moon!
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What do you call a leprechaun drinking a Guinness?
Short and Stout.
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What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay.
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Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
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What’s the best thing to play a bass guitar with?
A razor blade.
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Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
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Blonde enters the pharmacy.
“Do you have a pregnancy test?”
“Yes, we do.”
“Are questions hard?”
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How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Eat more chicken.”
“Eat more chicken, who?”
“YOU!”
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I love you more than ice cream.
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What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
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I hate explaining my own jokes. Mostly because I don’t get them either.
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What is CHEVROLET an acronym for?
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques.
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What do Darth Vader and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both escaped the dark side.
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What did the emergency dispatcher say when they were asked if they worked indoors or outdoors?
“911 is an inside job.”
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Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...
Sails are through the roof.
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What moisturizer do Spanish bullfighters use?
OLAY.
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“Do you know who is coming to our party later on?”
“Yeah, Dee is.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!“
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