Your mama so dumb she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between an architect and an engineer?
If architects built all the buildings, they would fall down on their own.
If engineers built all the buildings, they’d be so ugly, we’d tear them all down.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a mathematician’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Pumpkin pi.
😄 😄 😄
At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
😄 😄 😄
Where did the vampire teacher throw the Teachers’ Day party?
In Pencilvania.
😄 😄 😄
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.
😄 😄 😄
It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.
😄 😄 😄
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the Tauren and the Gnome that escaped from the Stormwind stockades?
The guards are searching for them high and low.
😄 😄 😄
What’s something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
😄 😄 😄
I smiled right after getting up.
I think I dislocated my face.
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
All of them, evidently.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell panda?
You just need P and A.
😄 😄 😄
Why do Troy State students have such beautiful noses?
They’re hand picked.
😄 😄 😄
My pet turtle died.
I’m not upset—just shell-shocked.
😄 😄 😄
Which one of Santa’s helpers visits mermaids?
The Elf on the Shelfish.
😄 😄 😄
What do you have against some people?
Well… for example, knives, sticks, daggers, submachine guns, grenades…
😄 😄 😄
A brief rise in suicide is related to the Covid pandemic.
Murderers are working from home.
😄 😄 😄
How did the data scientist get his girlfriend to become an attractive model?
By training her.
😄 😄 😄
One hot summer afternoon a police officer pulls into a yard.
The police officer then gets out of the car, and asks an old gentleman, “Who owns the property?”
The old man tells the officer that he does, and asks what he can do for him.
The officer says, “I’m here to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.”
The old gentleman says, “Well, you go right ahead, but whatever you do, don’t go into that field over yonder,” pointing out a fenced parcel of land.
The officer says, “Mister, I’m a law enforcement officer authorized by the federal government of our nation.”
Reaching into his pocket, he removes his badge and shoves it right in the old boy’s face, “You see my badge, buddy? This badge means that I’m allowed to go wherever I wish, anytime I wish. Do you understand me? No questions asked.”
The old gentleman nodded his head yes politely, softly apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old gentleman heard someone screaming in absolute terror, coming from where he’d told the officer not to go.
He looked over at the pasture and saw the officer running for his life, chased by a very angry bull.
With every step, the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it appeared likely that the policeman would be gored by the bull’s horns before he could reach safety.
Realizing the horrible danger that the policeman was in, the old gentleman ran to the field’s fence as fast as he could, determined to do whatever he could to help.
Reaching the edge of the pasture, the old gentleman quickly climbed to the top of the fence, waving his arms frantically, and screamed at the very top of his voice, “Your badge, officer, show him your BADGE!”
😄 😄 😄
