I can’t stop my mushroom from leaning.
I think I need some morel support.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Harold.”
“Harold, who?”
“Hark the Harold Angels Sing!”
😄 😄 😄
Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
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Archaeologists discover the remains of a slave-worker under famous statue in Giza.
Reports claim he died of Asphinxiation.
😄 😄 😄
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It’s the depth charges.
😄 😄 😄
Rise, shine, and try not to spill your coffee. Life’s too short for bad coffee.
Cheers to a spill-tacular day!
😄 😄 😄
Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?
If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
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Really? Way to spot the obvious Einstein!
😄 😄 😄
I asked my friend if he’d bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.
He’s a bit of a chauvinist pig, so he surprised me when he replied, “Yeah, I’ve got her a belt and a bag.”
I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it.”
He said, “So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now.”
😄 😄 😄
Does anyone know where I can find the Surrender emoji?
Nevermind the French flag works fine.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Rita.”
“Rita, who?”
“Rita card and find out who sent this birthday greeting!”
😄 😄 😄
A Native American Indian is talking to his psychiatrist.
He tells him, “Doc, I don’t know what is wrong with me. One moment I think I’m a teepee, the next I think I’m a wigwam.”
The doctor says, “Ah, I think I see your problem. You’re too tense.”
😄 😄 😄
In my contacts, I should rename my crush to potassium.
Because she is always responding with “K”.
😄 😄 😄
Pessimists are like German vegetarians.
They fear the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death—we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
😄 😄 😄
You know what happened to humanity’s most intelligent ancestor?
He decided having kids wasn’t worth it.
😄 😄 😄
What does Spider-Man put in his beverages?
Just ice.
😄 😄 😄
I am sweating like a melting glacier in a heatwave.
😄 😄 😄
When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor.
😄 😄 😄
