Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.
One falcon turns to the other and says, “Man, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.”
The second falcon turns back and says, “You’d also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
😄 😄 😄
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice-looking VR set.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What happens if this doesn’t work?”
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.
Feeling assured, he paid for the VR set and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the VR set after returning to the hotel, but it wouldn’t even switch on.
He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a flu that became a musician?
Achoo-bacca.
😄 😄 😄
How many non-vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they prefer to stay in the dark.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a rapper wearing a wig?
2pée.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!
😄 😄 😄
To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You’re a bad person.
😄 😄 😄
Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.
I’m pretty sure it was because of Uranus.
😄 😄 😄
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
😄 😄 😄
I’m such a perfectionist that I can’t even fail an autism test.
😄 😄 😄
If you’re looking for Spider-Man, you can always find him on the web.
😄 😄 😄
Why are Chevys equipped with magnetized bumpers?
To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys.
😄 😄 😄
Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon.
But they wouldn’t let us land because the moon was full.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the stupidest element on the periodic table?
Silicon.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a female elf?
Shelf.
😄 😄 😄
Me: “Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?”
Siri: “This is Alexa.”
😄 😄 😄
Two men went bear hunting.
While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”
😄 😄 😄
The boss said I should go home because I really don’t look good.
I don’t know if I should be happy to get the extra rest, or just offended.
😄 😄 😄
I can’t stop my mushroom from leaning.
I think I need some morel support.
😄 😄 😄
