It’s so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
😄 😄 😄
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?
Pita Parker.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a Pinterest user’s favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?
Hummus-cide.
😄 😄 😄
The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in its direction.
Then it rolled up into a ball.
😄 😄 😄
My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.
😄 😄 😄
The artist was great.
He could always draw a crowd.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who's there?”
“Ho, ho.”
“Ho ho, who?”
“You know, your Santa impression could use a little work.”
😄 😄 😄
My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it’s literally just cheese with bacteria.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
😄 😄 😄
Johnny paid his way through college by waiting in a restaurant.
“What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer.
“Well,” said Johnny, “This is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.”
“Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.”
“Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Johnny said.
“By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer.
“Applied psychology.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Elf.”
“Elf, who?”
“Elf me wrap this present!”
😄 😄 😄
You are so dumb you tried to alphabetize M&Ms.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Possum.”
“Possum, who?”
“Possum gravy on my potatoes.”
😄 😄 😄
My crush told me, “Come over, no ones home.”
I went over... no one was home.
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man borrowed his mom’s car to take it out for a spin.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris built the house in which he was born.
😄 😄 😄
You are so ugly when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
😄 😄 😄
The sunflower was feeling lonely.
He said he just wanted to get some-bud-y to love.
😄 😄 😄
Yeah, god only lets things grow until they’re perfect.
😄 😄 😄
