Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, “I think it is a child...”
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It's the season to be fall-y.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Poop.”
“Poop, who?”
“Hahaha, you said poo twice!”
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Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.
Many years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!
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I’ve finally saved up enough for solar panels.
What’s holding me back is that I can’t afford a house.
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?
M’stache.
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My wife asked me, “Why are there holes in your pants?”
I said, “It’s Sunday, right?”
My wife: “Yeah?”
Me: “Well, these are my holy pants.”
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How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
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Rise and conquer, adventurer!
Today’s mission: navigate through the day without putting your shirt on inside-out.
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It’s so hot you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
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Yesterday, I painted half of my face like a clown and went for a drive.
I don’t think anyone saw the funny side.
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A Muslim man told his wife that she needed to start embracing her mistakes.
So she gave him a hug.
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How do retired sailors greet each other?
Long time no sea.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Felix.”
“Felix, who?”
“Felix my ice cream, I’ll lick his!”
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A man and wife are at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple, who are running their hands over each other passionately.
“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” says the man.
“Watch them!” says his wife. “You already know how to play volleyball.”
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His true blue loyalty was betrayed by his green envy.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl be sure to use the bell next time!”
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What do you call a sausage who’s been sunbathing all day?
Done!
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What is the best time of day to play Super Mario?
The Wii hours of the morning.
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Akpos told his servant, “Go and water the plants.”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Akpos: “So what, take an umbrella and go!”
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