It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
😄 😄 😄
When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.
You can’t do that these days...
Too many damned security cameras.
😄 😄 😄
They say today is Pi Day.
But for me, it will always be cake day!
😄 😄 😄
The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Spider-Man when he quits The Daily Bugle and starts working as a valet?
Peter PARKER.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
Phil Ming.
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How do retired sailors greet each other?
Long time no sea.
😄 😄 😄
I’m such a perfectionist that I can’t even fail an autism test.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
He got repossessed.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the slave go to college?
To pick up his master’s degree.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
😄 😄 😄
I was going to buy an exotic spider from the pet shop.
Then I realised I could just get one on the web.
😄 😄 😄
Uranus can really bring the gas.
😄 😄 😄
Can you guess why learning sign language is such a good idea?
Because it is quite handy!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Arsenal fan bring an umbrella to the stadium?
In case the tears started pouring.
😄 😄 😄
Just been shopping with the wife, and out of the nowhere she shouted, “YOU ARE SO BLOODY LAZY!”
I was so surprised I almost fell out of the trolley.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know there’s a street in England named Harry Styles Boulevard?
It only goes in one direction, though.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?
You can’t take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!
😄 😄 😄
What does a predator call a hummingbird?
Fast food!
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the man who solved a puzzle in 10 minutes?
Even though the box said 2-4 years.
😄 😄 😄
