If God really made everything…
He’s Chinese, right?
😄 😄 😄
I bent down in a bar.
“Excuse me,” said the girl next to me, “Are you looking up my skirt?”
I said, “No, no I’m tying my shoelace.”
She said, “You’re wearing Crocs.”
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The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father’s firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, “Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you’ve been working on for so long!”
His father yelled, “You idiot! We’ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!”
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Why did the Arsenal fan bring an umbrella to the stadium?
In case the tears started pouring.
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What do you call people who design icons in League of Legends?
Lolicons.
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What did dad say when he got a universal remote for Father’s Day?
This changes everything!
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Sadly, Uranus is the butt of all space jokes.
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If trees produced Wi-Fi, we would be planting them everywhere.
Too bad they only produce oxygen.
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My calculator stopped working mid-way through my exam.
I can’t count on it anymore.
😄 😄 😄
My friend thinks Uranus is the butt of all jokes.
But I disagree, it’s just an astronomical body we should appreciate.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?
Peter parkway.
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How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They’re all girls! If they were boys, they’d be uncles.
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What do you call a landing page with a high bounce rate?
A takeoff page.
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What do marathoners and computer scientists have in common?
They want the fastest running time.
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She left the bar because after 45 minutes, the date finally arrived, and he was a gnome.
Too little, too late.
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Seize the day. Or sneeze the day.
Regardless, bless you!
😄 😄 😄
He goes up to a lady and holds out his phone to her.
He: “Would you mind holding this for a second?”
He: “...Does my phone feel light to you?”
She: “I guess?”
He: “I knew it it’s been feeling light all day, and I just can’t figure out.”
He: “...I figured it out!”
She: “What?”
He: “It’s missing your number.”
😄 😄 😄
I’ve been programming too much.
I can barely cout of my eyes.
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Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
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Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed.
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