Did you know the seagull was gods third attempt at creating the bird.
The A-gull and B-gull weren’t quite right.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an otter who has yams in both of his ears?
It doesn’t matter, he can’t hear you.
😄 😄 😄
“LOL stands for laugh out loud and BRB stands for be right back, but what does IDK stand for?”
“I don’t know.”
“Alright, fine I’ll ask somebody else.”
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
😄 😄 😄
Good friends are like toasters.
If you throw them down the stairs, they probably won’t make toast for you anymore.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what happened to the man who played board games all his life?
He got bored with playing games!
😄 😄 😄
It’s hotter than a redhead’s getting a parking ticket.
😄 😄 😄
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
😄 😄 😄
I went to a bar for a New Year’s celebration and took a cab home.
Came upon a DUI checkpoint, and when they saw the cab, they just waved us to pass.
After a while, I made it home safely, which is surprising because I’ve never driven a cab.
😄 😄 😄
A small boy tells his mum that his dad’s taken him on an outing to the zoo. His mum doesn’t believe him.
“Your dad has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life,” she says.
“Well he did,” the boy replies, “and one of the animals paid us £50.”
😄 😄 😄
People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ivan.”
“Ivan, who?”
“Ivan to suck your blood!”
😄 😄 😄
Friend A: “What did Helen Keller’s kitchen look like?”
Friend B: “I don’t know.”
Friend A: “She did not know either.”
😄 😄 😄
How did the pumpkin feel after being carved?
Gutted.
😄 😄 😄
What is a camel’s favorite day of the week?
Hump day!
😄 😄 😄
Non-autistic person: “Autistic people take everything literally.”
Autistic person: “No, that’s kleptomaniacs.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Eat more chicken.”
“Eat more chicken, who?”
“YOU!”
😄 😄 😄
What does Muslim Sonic say when Ramadan begins?
“Gotta go fast!”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse bring a ladder to work?
To take care of high blood pressure.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
😄 😄 😄
