What did the blue crayon say to the green crayon?
“You’re green-crayon me!”
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Why does Spider-Man have such good comebacks?
Because with great power comes with great response-ability.
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What do you get when you put an Undead in a bath?
Soup.
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Do you know what they say about wheelchairs?
People can’t stand being in them.
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My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
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What is a beaver’s favorite rap artist?
Timber-land.
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What do you call a camel with no hump on a Wednesday?
Humph-rey.
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Why did Puerto Rico become a state?
Because they couldn’t find enough parking.
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Your mama so stupid I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
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The ocean was feeling blue.
So I told her to sea the brighter side.
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I’m on the rotation diet.
Every time I turn around, I eat.
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I want to be the reason who makes you look down at your phone and smile...
And then walk into a pole...
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Why did the hip surgery patient bring a suit to the hospital?
Because he wanted to be hip and dapper during recovery.
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A blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him.
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Trying to wake you up is such a thrill.
It’s like waking up a mad beast from its ponderous slumber.
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blue-berry.
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What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave?
Then her name would be mozarella.
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Why does August always get upset at the calendar?
Because it knows that summer is about to “fall” apart!
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A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”
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Your mama so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
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