How does a physical chemist wash their glassware?
They get an organic chemist to do it.
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Guitar tuner: “Hi, I’m here to tune your bass guitar.”
Guy: “I didn’t call a guitar tuner.”
Guitar tuner: “Yeah, I know, but the neighbors called.”
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Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high... he just couldn’t stop as fast.
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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What does a sick ninja practice?
Kung flu.
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I’m gonna quit my job on a submarine.
I’m under a lot of pressure.
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Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.
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What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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Why did the chef join Pinterest?
Because they wanted to find the perfect recipe for pin-teresting meals!
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“Hey there buddy, I have a bunch of old albums, would you like 2 CD’s...?
“Sure thanks!”
“...to see DEEZ NUTZ!”
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“Our face is kinda similar to a planet…”
“Oh yeah. Which one?”
“Uranus.”
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Your mama’s so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
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I love all these new Forsaken quests.
They’re really jaw-dropping.
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Why was the pizza ringing?
It had some bell peppers on it.
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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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Good morning!
The boss is out sick so I’m taking it upon myself to declare today a sick day for us all. Go back to bed!
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During a business meeting yesterday, a very nice guy asked me about my background.
So I told him about my family, education, career, dreams and goals.
Turns out he was asking what’s behind me on our Zoom call.
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I asked a programmer what his New Year’s resolution will be.
He answered, “640 x 480.”
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I went to a blues concert dressed in all black.
I guess I wasn’t feeling very blues-sympathetic.
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