Have you heard about the new trend?
People are putting baked goods on their ear studs.
It’s pie-on-earring fashion.
😄 😄 😄
When asked the temperature I enjoy giving it in Kelvin.
I’m losing my friends by degrees.
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Yo momma is so fat The Whole Death Star can use her as a protection shield.
😄 😄 😄
Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.
They were the laughing stalk of the field.
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How is Teachers’ Day, a day of rest?
The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grading the rest of the papers.
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Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber?
The barber was a hairbinger of doom for him!
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Yo mama’s so fat that even stormtroopers can’t miss her.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the friend who shaved lie about his beard?
He’s a bald-faced liar.
😄 😄 😄
Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing.
The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green.
Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.
Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard.
Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man’s turn comes and he drives the ball.
The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish.
As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.
As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, “I really think I’m leaving Dad at home next time!”
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Which country has the worst air force?
Turkey. None of them can fly.
😄 😄 😄
How much is the moon worth?
One dollar, because it has four quarters.
😄 😄 😄
What does CHEVY stand for?
Cheapest Heap Ever Viewed Yet.
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It’s so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.
😄 😄 😄
Losing a wife can be very tough.
Some may even say impossible.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Spider-Man decide to join the swim team?
Because he had webbed feet!
😄 😄 😄
Why do Puerto Ricans make great detectives?
Because they never miss a beat.
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The real space question that not even NASA can answer is why do we classify Uranus as a planet and not as a black hole?
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Dear Father,
university i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear David,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
😄 😄 😄
I don’t know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police.
All I asked was “How much for one night stand?”.
😄 😄 😄
My friends keep calling me a joker.
But no matter how many decks of cards I search through, I still can’t find my face on a single one.
😄 😄 😄
