Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
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Why do eggs like April Fools’ Day?
They love practical yolks.
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I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.
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While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm.
I decided to cyclone.
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My wife said she wanted to name our child Eevee because she thought it would be cool to name it after a Pokémon.
I said, “Ditto.”
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Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
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Yo mama so fat that Wedge Antilles said “Look at the size of that thing!”.
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What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
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Do songbirds get mad at hummingbirds...
Because they don’t know the words.
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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!
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Why did the blue-faced man get lost?
He was feeling blue and couldn’t find his way.
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The other day my yoga instructor turned up to the class drunk.
I was put in quite an awkward position.
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When I told my parents my wife had come down with the flu, my dad said, “Well, have you tried euthanasia?”
In the background, I could hear my mom yell, “For the last time, Henry, it’s pronounced ‘Echinacea!’, ‘Echinacea!!!’.”
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I don’t always look at the heavens.
But when I do, it’s because I’m looking at Uranus.
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Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk?
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
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My grandpa returned from the war with one leg.
We still don’t know to whom that leg belonged.
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Feel free to use me as a bad example.
That way, I won’t be totally useless.
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Why did the influencer terrorist get arrested?
Because his tick tock blew up.
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When you work from home, a Tuesday looks pretty much like a Saturday.
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Why did the mushroom have to leave her home?
It was growing toxic by the day.
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