Your mama’s so short that she can limbo under the door.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the robot go on vacation?
He needed to recharge his batteries.
😄 😄 😄
I keep trying to watch racing on my computer but every time I press the F1 key it just opens a help window.
😄 😄 😄
What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?
Shii-talkin!
😄 😄 😄
My wife complained that I never take her to expensive places anymore.
So I took her to the gas station.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the man intentionally get kicked in the face by a horse?
He wanted a horseshoe mustache.
😄 😄 😄
Two snakes are slithering down the road and chatting.
Snake 1: “Oh, boy. I hope I’m not venomous...”
Snake 2: “Wait, what? Why?”
Snake 1: “Because I just bit my tongue.”
😄 😄 😄
Isn’t funny making a flat Earth believer angry?
But if you push them over the edge then you’re only proving them right.
😄 😄 😄
What is a vampire’s worst fear?
Tooth decay.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call a sleeping piece of paper?
A napkin.
😄 😄 😄
What did Elon Musk get when changing Twitter’s name?
A bunch of X-employees.
😄 😄 😄
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets.
😄 😄 😄
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
He said, “Try the ATM outside.”
😄 😄 😄
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty flu virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh!” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pancakes and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man, hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well, no, but... it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s a teacher’s favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?
By giving students a pop quiz to see if they’ve been may-taining their knowledge.
😄 😄 😄
I know I know, smoking’s bad for me and all.
But my mama told me never to be a quitter.
😄 😄 😄
I tried tap dancing.
But I had to give it up as I kept falling into the sink.
😄 😄 😄
Elon’s opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention...
Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?!
😄 😄 😄
What don’t you want to hear in the middle of surgery?
“Where’s my watch?”
😄 😄 😄
