My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.
I replied that I didn’t know he played cricket.
😄 😄 😄
This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so fat when you walk, everyone yells “EARTHQUAKE!!”.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.
😄 😄 😄
I hate being a depressed atheist.
Nothing to live for, nothing to die for.
😄 😄 😄
What did Uranus say to Earth?
“You’re always following me around. Give me some space!”
😄 😄 😄
The reason the girl hated mushrooms is because they were too mushy.
😄 😄 😄
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the official animal of National Pi Day?
The pi-thon.
😄 😄 😄
Registered nurse: “Sorry for the wait!”
Man: “It’s alright, I’m patient.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the comet say to Uranus?
“You’re out of this world!”
😄 😄 😄
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hey, I know it’s been a week since Halloween is over, but I’m seriously starting to doubt the body hanging from my neighbor’s tree is not a decoration.”
😄 😄 😄
What is a camel’s favorite day of the week?
Hump day!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mamma’s so fat that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.
😄 😄 😄
What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?
An onion ring.
😄 😄 😄
My fridge stopped working...
It’s not cool.
😄 😄 😄
Donut underestimate the power of baked goods.
😄 😄 😄
How do gingers like their gossip?
Spicy.
😄 😄 😄
A burglar broke into our house last night.
I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.
Our three cats did the rest.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl be glad to meet you if you let me in.”
😄 😄 😄
