Yo mamma’s so fat she can’t go to a spaceport because x-wings keep trying to land on her back.
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WFH diary, day 1:
Power went out during recording, construction workers are extra loud today, daughter walked in on a meeting singing “I like banaaaaanas” at the top of her lungs.
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When Mark Zuckerberg made Facebook, he already had a friend request from Chuck Norris.
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Why are they called the armed forces?
Because it’s hard to fight a war with just your legs.
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Yo mamma’s so stupid she thought Darth Maul was a place to shop.
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For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it in a bottle of ethanol. He then asks his students if it will dissolve.
A student raise his hand to answer.
Student: “No, it won’t dissolve, sir.”
Teacher: “Really good! Now, can you explain to the rest of the class why?”
Student: “You’re so cheap, there’s no way you would’ve sacrificed that $20.”
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How does a Gen Z’er tell a joke?
Idk bc fml lmao.
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I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke.
It was my manager’s fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.
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They say today is Pi Day.
But for me, it will always be cake day!
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How do you know when you're on a Jewish golf course?
The players don’t yell “Fore!” they yell “$3.99!”.
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Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women.
But it turned out to be a sausage fest.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Who.”
“Who, who?”
“I didn’t know that you are an owl!”
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Yo mama so fat she needs a CDL to drive her wheelchair.
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85% of people in America don’t know basic math.
Thanks God I’m from the other 25%.
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I wrote a novel about religious women.
The library put it in the nun fiction section.
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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
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Yo mama is so fat she did the Kessel run instantly because she is on both sides of it.
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
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Where do late sailors come from?
Missed-his-shippi.
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What’s the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar?
Netflix has Stranger Things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.
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