Do you know that in a couple of weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day?
April Fuels!
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Isn’t ending a relationship with Taylor Swift the best way to make it more public?
You get a whole album.
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Programming in C can be difficult at times.
But you have to admit it builds tcharacter.
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I was depressed in my job as a guillotine operator.
I just couldn’t see myself getting ahead in life with that job.
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How many Chelsea managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows. The light bulb lasts longer than any manager.
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I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much.
I know it like the back of my hand.
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Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?
Harry Styles.
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After the 4th of July fireworks caused finger injuries, what did the friends say?
Nothing, they couldn’t count on me.
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What is a monster’s favorite part of a birthday celebration?
I scream.
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The 5 secrets to happiness for men:
1. Find a woman who can make you laugh.
2. Find a woman who can cook.
3. Find a woman who really listens to you.
4. Find a woman who is great in bed.
5. Make sure these 4 women don’t find out about each other.
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Shibram once borrowed 100 INR from his neighbour Rambabu promising to repay on the following Sunday.
When that repayment day came, he borrowed 100 INR from another neighbour—Shyambabu—to repay Rambabu’s loan.
Next Sunday he again borrowed from Rambabu to pay Shyambabu’s loan.
This thing went on for some weeks.
Then one day Shibram called his two neighbours and explained that, “Look, for the last few weeks I’ve been taking money from one of you and giving it to the other alternately. Now it’s enough. Let me get rid of this. Why don’t you guys do it yourselves?”
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A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers.
The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin… writing the answer… flipping the coin… writing the answer.
At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final, except for the one student.
The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying, “Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn’t even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?”
The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin), “Shhh! I am checking my answers!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yah.”
“Yah, who?”
“No thanks, I use Bing or Google.”
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Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
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Chuck Norris completed Pokemon Go.
On a landline.
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What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
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Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party.
You want to do it, but you don’t want to be the first, and you definitely don’t want to be the only one.
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Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
Because she was protesting for the chicken.
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Rise and shine!
If mornings were a sport, I’d be the MVP of hitting the ‘sleep’ button.
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Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
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