I told my friend that I want to live on Uranus.
They said, “I guess you’re really into extreme living conditions!”
😄 😄 😄
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
😄 😄 😄
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How did Thanksgiving go at your place?” the bartender asks.
“Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she could finish cooking,” the guy says. “So I removed all the batteries from the smoke detectors.”
😄 😄 😄
Akpos: “Why are all these people running?”
Man: “This is a race, the winner will get the cup.”
Akpos: “If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?”
😄 😄 😄
Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion.
Yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel.
😄 😄 😄
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
😄 😄 😄
A man placed an ad online saying “Wife wanted”.
He got hundreds of messages the next day saying “You can have mine”.
😄 😄 😄
A pair of cows were talking in the field.
One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
😄 😄 😄
Co-pilot: “Why did you become a pilot?”
Pilot: “To overcome my greatest fear.”
Co-pilot: “Heights?”
Pilot: “No, dying alone.”
😄 😄 😄
I asked my friend what he was doing to stay happy in his job.
And he said he was always searching for blue skies.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so stupid she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.
😄 😄 😄
There’s a lot of crossover between the Bible and SpongeBob.
Both are quite holey.
😄 😄 😄
I went to a restaurant where all the menus were printed in blue ink.
I guess they were trying to get in touch with their blue-side.
😄 😄 😄
Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
😄 😄 😄
At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, “Didn’t you understand my joke?”
The guy replied, “Oh, I understood it, but I resigned this morning.”
😄 😄 😄
Two friends were discussing what they wanted to do with their lives.
One of them suggested data science.
“I’d much rather date a person, thank you,” said another.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Aunt May worried about Peter Parker?
He was spending too much time on the world wide web.
😄 😄 😄
The barman in the pub looked over at me and said, “Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?”
“Why would I want two empty glasses?” I asked.
😄 😄 😄
I am sweating like a cactus in a greenhouse.
😄 😄 😄
