Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends’ food looked like.
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Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.
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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
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One Sunny afternoon, two blondes walk down the street.
One of them suddenly points at the sun and says: “Look! That’s the moon over there!”
The other one says: “No, that’s the sun!”
The first one: “No, it’s the moon!”
The other one, again: “No, it’s the sun!”
After arguing for a while, the “smart” one says: “Let’s go to that house over there and ask, what’s right!”
They go to the house and ring the doorbell. Another blonde opens the door.
The “smart” one asks: “Excuse us, can you tell us, whether it’s the sun or the moon in the sky?”
The blonde looks and says: “I wouldn’t know! I’ve only been living here for two weeks!”
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What do you call a red-haired baker?
The ginger bread man.
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Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
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Working from home is weird. I got so sick of sitting at my desk, I wrote my last blog from my kids’ trampoline.
The time-on-page was pretty good, but the bounce rate was really high.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention.
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Why is the sun such a famous celeb?
Because he is literally a shining star, as everyone knows.
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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit.
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Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?
It was a fund razor.
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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Norma Lee.”
“Norma Lee, who?”
“Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!”
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Why do violists stand for long periods outside people’s houses?
They can’t find the key, and they don’t know when to come in.
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The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
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Have you heard about the new trend?
People are putting baked goods on their ear studs.
It’s pie-on-earring fashion.
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What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeño business.
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Why did the blonde throw her doll on the grill?
She heard it was a Barbie-que.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Sue.”
“Sue, who?”
“Sue-prize! Happy Halloween!”
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