I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
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A teacher walks into a bar with his friends on Teachers’ Day evening and says, “Can I have a beer.”
The barman says, “I don’t know, can you?”
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What did Elon Musk get when changing Twitter’s name?
A bunch of X-employees.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“You’re right; tawny owls do hoot.”
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What do you call a bad electrician?
A shock absorber.
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What was the skinny scientist so excited about?
He just won the no-belly prize.
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I watched a baseball game once, where the umpire kept wandering about and was eventually knocked out by a ball.
It was the fall of the roamin’ umpire.
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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.
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I watched the Indian version of How I Met Your Mother.
There’s just one episode, and it was about the wedding.
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What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA?
It’s been decades since their first moonwalk.
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Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
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What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread.
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Working from home is tough.
I have to coordinate a desktop, a laptop and a handheld.
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If you get an email starting with Knock Knock don’t open it.
It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.
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My crush told me that I’m pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I focus only on the positive things.
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The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
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Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”
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Do you know that in a couple of weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day?
April Fuels!
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Isn’t ending a relationship with Taylor Swift the best way to make it more public?
You get a whole album.
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Programming in C can be difficult at times.
But you have to admit it builds tcharacter.
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