Three pregnant women are chatting in a café.
Heather says, “I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”
“I got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. “I’m pregnant with septuplets!”
“I think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.
The three women chat some more.
Finally, Heather says, “I got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was ‘The Three Little Pigs’.”
“I got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. “The first movie I watched on it was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.
“It’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.
“I do have it,” says Martha. “It’s just that the first movie I watched on it was ‘101 Dalmatians’.”
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How do gingers support each other?
By rooting for them.
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Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?
Because all they do is colonize.
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What do you call 10 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
What do you call all of the Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!
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Why does Ireland have the fastest-growing economy in the world?
Because its capital is Dublin all the time!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Boy.”
“Boy, who?”
“Boy do I love St. Paddy’s Day!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Aida.”
“Aida, who?”
“Aida big breakfast and now I'm stuffed.”
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What did the client say when they saw the final ad concept?
“Can we make the logo bigger?”
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Why don’t mushrooms always get along?
They like to shii-take others.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Mark.”
“Mark, who?”
“Mark your calendar, because my birthday’s coming!”
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“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband. “I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
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The economy’s so bad the other day I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
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Chuck Norris can fold a fitted sheet.
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Last year on Mother’s Day we had a big family get-together.
Afterwards my Mom starting getting ready to do the dishes.
Of course I couldn’t let her do that on her special day.
I said, “Leave the dishes, Mom. You can always do them tomorrow.”
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Why do SEOs love the farmers market?
Lots of organic content!
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Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?
Because they’re stud-ants.
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Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything.
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What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
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I told my friend that I want to live on Uranus.
They said, “I guess you’re really into extreme living conditions!”
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What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
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