Why didn’t the butter take the part in the new movie?
Because it didn’t like the roll it was being offered.
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In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Every day several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.
By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital, it is often too late to save them. To solve this dangerous predicament, those with the highest positions in the Egyptian government hold a meeting.
“What shall we do about this hole plaguing our people?” Asks the first speaker.
Everyone is hesitant to answer, but then a man raises his hand.
“It is quite an easy solution,” he exclaims. “We keep an ambulance right next to the hole, so if people fall in, they can be pulled out and brought to the hospital right away.”
The council agrees and decides to implement this new solution the following day. However, with traffic there is still not enough time to get the victims to the hospital. So they hold another meeting.
“Having an ambulance ready is still not enough to save our people, we must do more.”
A different man raises his hand and speaks, “If getting to the hospital in time is the problem, then we must build a hospital next to the hole.”
Everyone claps seeing that they’ve found the solution.
But then the urban development chair speaks in response to this proposal, “The land next to the hole is simply not big enough,” he says, and the crowd stops clapping. “It seems we are back at step 1.”
In the back of the room a man stands and says with much confidence, “I have got it! We shall bring a truck full of dirt to the site of the hole, and we will fill it up.”
The council is ecstatic clapping for the man.
“...then we dig another hole next to the hospital.”
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Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?
Because they just had their brains scooped out!
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What monster plays the most April Fools’ jokes?
Prankenstein!
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Guess what?
It’s morning!
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Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?
My ex!
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Where does a camel go after he’s eaten his main course?
To the desert trolley.
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A mother sends her son to the well to fetch water.
When the boy comes back without water, he explains that there was an alligator in the well.
“Don’t worry,” says the mother. “The alligator is just as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Mom,” says the boy, “if the alligator is as scared of me as I am of him, we shouldn’t be drinking that water.”
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What do you call a depressed unicorn?
A blue-corn.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
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Why is it that people who use the metric system of measurement are experts in computers and computer science?
Because they are all very good pro-gram-mers!
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Boyfriend: “I love you.”
Girlfriend: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Boyfriend: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
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While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.
One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer, “The curlers are on me.”
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It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa.
The university responsed, “Why do we need another phone company?”
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Why did America fail to save the world from coronavirus?
Thor is in Asgard.
Iron Man died.
Captain is now old.
Hulk doesn’t have much power.
The rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona.
And China ate Spider-Man and Batman.
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Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
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A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes, “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.
With complete sincerity in his voice, he answered, “A lawyer!”
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How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.
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My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
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Why do British ice cream cones carry an umbrella?
There’s always a chance of sprinkles.
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