Why did the wolf take so long to cross the road?
It was pretending to be a snail.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They’re both pointless.
😄 😄 😄
What is Dr. Pepper’s PhD in?
Fizz-ics.
😄 😄 😄
My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.
And they’re off!
😄 😄 😄
“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
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“The word of the day is ‘contagious’,” said the teacher. “Who can use it in a sentence?”
Little Jenny stood up and said, “My dad has a cold and said it’s contagious.”
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said, “Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think it’s contagious.”
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up, “Miss, my next door neighbor is painting his house with a 1-inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the superhero look forward to Tuesdays?
Because it was the perfect day for saving the day.
Tues-save-day!
😄 😄 😄
My wallet is like an onion.
Whenever I open it my eyes tear up.
😄 😄 😄
Your hairline goes so far back, even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
😄 😄 😄
What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?
An onion ring.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Irish reptile?
Croc O’Dile.
😄 😄 😄
You are so dumb you returned a puzzle because it was broken.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the rocky road.
😄 😄 😄
Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue.
One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99.
😄 😄 😄
Bob’s first day in heaven.
God: “You’re about to get your wings!”
Bob: “Lemon pepper or BBQ?”
God: “Get out.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the blue alien that landed on Earth?
He had an out of this world.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a bee that was born in the States?
A USB.
😄 😄 😄
What’s under the Pillsbury Doughboy’s apron?
Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
By live stream.
😄 😄 😄
What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?
His heart! (Well, not his.)
😄 😄 😄
