Enjoy our team's carefully selected You Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
You’re so fat when you perch a penny, Lincoln screams.
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You’re so fat the scale signals “I need a Break” when you move on it.
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You’re so fat you can use Google Maps to find your own belly button.
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You’re so fat when you visit the circus, they give you a job.
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You’re so fat you got stuck when you dove into the Grand Canyon.
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You’re so fat your shadow weight of your shadow is 50 pounds.
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You’re so fat your neck is wider than your head.
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You’re so fat that when you fell over, the ambulance had to bring a crane.
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You’re so fat when you walk, everyone yells “EARTHQUAKE!!”.
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You’re so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.
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You’re so fat that when you get on a scale, it says ‘We don’t do livestock’.
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You’re so fat the only thing to compare you to is an elephant.
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You’re so fat you can’t even see your own feet.
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You are so fat when you walk with your friends it looks like they are orbiting you.
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You’re so fat you wake up on both sides of the bed in the morning.
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You so dumb you tried to put a key in your computer’s keyboard.
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You are so dumb you thought a thesaurus was a kind of dinosaur.
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You are so dumb you returned a puzzle because it was broken.
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You are so dumb you tripped over a wireless connection.
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You are so dumb you asked what the capital of Paris was.
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You are so dumb you tried to alphabetize M&Ms.
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You’re so dumb that you thought a quarterback was a refund.
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You so dumb can never find your race results because you search for “me”.
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You so dumb you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.
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You so dumb you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.
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You so dumb you don’t run on singletrack because you’re married.
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You so dumb every time you do a fartlek, you say “excuse me”.
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You so dumb you think intermittent fasting is a kind of speedwork.
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You’re so ugly when you sit in the sand, the cats try to bury you.
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You so ugly on Halloween someone said, “Scary costume!”
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You so ugly your mum ran up the stairs of the hospital when you were born and jumped off the roof.
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Your so ugly when you were born your mom said, “Oh, what a treasure!”
And your dad said, “Yeah, le’ts bury it.”
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You so ugly your mama had morning sicknesses after you were born.
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You’re so stupid they had to burn down the school to get you out of 3rd grade.
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You’re so stupid you tried to drown a fish.
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You’re so old you have hieroglyphics on your driver’s license.
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You’re so old George Washington cut down your Christmas tree.
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You’re so old your first car was a covered wagon.
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You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back.
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You are so ugly if they laid you on the beach, not even the tide would take you.
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You are so ugly when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
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You’re so ugly...
You are the reason Star Wars takes place in a galaxy far far away!
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Just been shopping with the wife, and out of the nowhere she shouted, “YOU ARE SO BLOODY LAZY!”
I was so surprised I almost fell out of the trolley.
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You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.
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I told my wife, “You are so skinny!”
Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, “Just look at all this skin.”
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