Enjoy our team's carefully selected Workout Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he pushes the earth down.
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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Red pandas never skip leg day.
Their hopping skills are paws-itively impressive.
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Did you hear about the physical therapist who asked his date to meet him at the gym?
She didn’t show up, and that’s when he knew they weren’t gonna work out.
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Who were the first people in Australia to have a six-pack?
The Ab-originals.
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How do bison stay fit?
They do buffalo bells at the gym.
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A woman told her friend, “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.”
She said, “So, I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was already over.”
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Why did the bodybuilder read the dictionary?
He was trying to learn how to define muscle.
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I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
He said, “Try the ATM outside.”
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Whenever I see Instagram models working out, I am inspired to do my own workout.
Unfortunately, it’s only for my left arm.
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I went to the gym to work out, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.
Technically, they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.
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My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side.
One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together, she asked me if she should change anything in her life.
I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better.
At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.
After the first day, I didn’t see anything. To be expected, of course, these things take time.
Three days later, nothing.
A week later, nothing.
Two weeks later, and I finally started to see something.
Thank god for that, I thought she knocked the light out of my eyes for good.
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What is a pirate’s least favorite workout?
Planks. His favorite is chest day.
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Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.”
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this poop instead of training!”
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The gym instructor broke up with his girlfriend, guess what happened?
It didn’t work out.
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My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles.
He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After a while he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute.
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
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You so dumb you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.
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