Jokes on Working

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Working Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

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A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him.

“Father, father look,” the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly. “The Americans have gone to the moon.”

The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly, “All of them?”

“No, just 3,” replies the kid.

“Damn it!” The father shakes his head in disappointment and goes back to the field.

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Why did the baker stop making donuts?

He got tired of the HOLE business.

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WFH diary, day 1:

Power went out during recording, construction workers are extra loud today, daughter walked in on a meeting singing “I like banaaaaanas” at the top of her lungs.

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Working from home is weird. I got so sick of sitting at my desk, I wrote my last blog from my kids’ trampoline.

The time-on-page was pretty good, but the bounce rate was really high.

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An ergonomic workspace is really important while working from home.

That’s why my couch now has a Pilates ball as a footrest.

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The hardest part about working from home is the distractions, my girlfriend never stops talking to me while I’m on my PlayStation.

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I like working from home.

It’s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.

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A brief rise in the suicide is related to the Covid pandemic.

Murderers are working from home.

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Professionals who think they can work uninterruptedly 9 hours a day end up watching Netflix and drinking a full bottle of coke.

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Sure, working from home can have its disadvantages.

I miss the office politics, the lack of freedom and having to wear shoes.

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You’re working from home because of coronavirus?

I’m working from home because I don’t have a real job. We are not the same.

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At 11am, my Boss asking me the status of work from home.

But at that time, I am trying to remember who is he.

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Working from home becomes more difficult when your bed and YouTube constantly beg for your attention.

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When you work from home, a Tuesday looks pretty much like a Saturday.

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Just kissed my husband intimately on the back of the neck, as I walked past him while working from home.

He started this job on Monday. I thought he was watching a video. He was on a meeting with the CEO.

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Pros of working from home:

· No pants

· Loud music.

Cons of working from home:

· You have to make your own coffee

· You talk to yourself too much.

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Manager: “Sir, our employees are so habitual of working from home and can’t work in normal office.

For better environment we have made office look and facility like Home and ask them to come in their pyjamas.

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Husband: “I am working remotely.”

Wife: “You are not even remotely working.”

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When I said, I wanted to work from home, I didn’t mean I work on Saturday.

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The most annoying thing about working from home is awkward Skype calls with clients.

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I just saw a burglar kick in his own door.

It looks like he was working from home.

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I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working.

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My partner and I have been working from home since March 2020, and he has finally politely informed me that my typing sounds like 50 hungry woodpeckers trying to eat a keyboard.

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Now that I’m teaching remotely, I can’t reward my students for their good work.

So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.

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Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together:

Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on.

In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don’t know what to do about her.

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No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.

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My work-from-home plan isn’t going very well because my pet cat keeps hitting paws on my remote working.

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Remote working has worked out well for IT professionals.

It was a hard drive to the office anyway!

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If you get an email starting with Knock Knock don’t open it.

It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.

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I have been working from home since March of last year.

I am an Uber driver.

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Bill and Melinda were happy for 27 years

And then Bill started working from home.

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Before “working from home” became a thing, I had no idea how great it would feel to walk around naked and fart all day whilst working!

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Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...

Sails are through the roof.

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I don’t work well under pressure...

...or any other circumstance.

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I’m great at multitasking:

I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

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They say to have a successful day working from home, you should wake up early, go for a walk, take a shower, and treat it as if it’s a normal workday...

...So is it considered unsuccessful if I wake up 5 minutes before my first call?

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When working from home, for focus and mental health, it’s really important to NOT just wear your pajamas!

Wear yesterday’s clothes you grabbed off the floor.

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Work is really interfering with my enjoyment of working from home.

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Working from home:

the place where your hours are made up and your pants don’t matter.

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Working from home is not so bad. I’m starting to get the hang of it.

I can work in my pajamas, have a glass of wine with my lunch, and have my lunch at 9 a.m.

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My husband started working from home this week and is set up at the kitchen table so he sees me and the cats repeatedly coming in for snacks, and finally says, “So you guys just eat all day, huh?”

He does NOT understand our office culture and I don’t think he’s fitting in at all.

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How do people in the navy work from home?

Play Battleship.

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If you’re working on a desktop or laptop, make sure to put on a mask.

You wouldn’t want to catch one of those computer viruses.

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I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop, but I turned it down.

I don’t like working on sundaes.

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How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.

His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his chum and finds him playing tennis.

“Incredible!,” says his friend.

“Medical science is amazing!”

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.

Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.

“Incredible!,” says his friend.

“Medical science is amazing!”

Well, another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.

Well, his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his friend but can’t find him.

He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, “Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.”

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, “Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”

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Working from home. Day 6.

Client: “No! This is unacceptable. I want to speak to one of your superiors.”

Me: “Moooom!”

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The house cleaner told me that she was going to start working from home, so she sent me a list of chores.

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I like to wrap myself in a blanket when I work from home.

You could say I now work undercover.

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A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make a little over $400 dollars a week, why?”

The CEO said, “Wait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said, “Sure, he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money.”

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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.

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A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.

Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work.

After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant.

Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation.

His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:

“Debits in the column toward the file cabinet.

Credits in the column toward the window.”

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My father was stupid.

He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

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A recently ordained priest, Father Henry, was to hold his first ever graveside burial service at a pauper’s cemetery for a destitute man with no family or friends.

Father Henry, not knowing where the cemetery was, made several wrong turns and got lost.

He eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the spade was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.

Father Henry, being a reliable young priest went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Feeling guilty because of his lateness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in considerable style.

As the good Father returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, “Do you know, fancy that, I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty-five years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”

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