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Jokes About Workers



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Worker Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but

yesterday, this conversation happened.

Boss: โ€œAbdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?โ€

Abdul: โ€œSir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.โ€

Today is Abdulโ€™s farewell party.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Good Morning!

Monday through Friday, nine to 5, I reach function along with someone who reaches the workplace, with determination, increasing the spirits of every one of his office mates... after that thereโ€™s you! You are additionally at the workplace!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Good morning!

The boss is out sick so Iโ€™m taking it upon myself to declare today a sick day for us all. Go back to bed!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Good Morning, workmate!

Being around you has inspired me... to quit as well as locate a new work!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.

His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.

Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.

Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his friend but canโ€™t find him.

He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, โ€œDoc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.โ€

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, โ€œOh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a workerโ€™s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.

Angrily she asked, โ€œIf you had 4 pickles and I asked for one, how many would you have left?โ€

Quickly he replied, โ€œIf it was you who asked, Iโ€™d still have 4 pickles.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My boss told me, โ€œDress for the job you want, not the job you have.โ€

Now Iโ€™m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Spiderman.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Co-worker asked me, โ€œIf Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?โ€

Your Parents when you move out.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Albertโ€™s retirement party presentation.

โ€œToday we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company.

Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no.

So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.

I told him, โ€œOh, nothing. Itโ€™s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.โ€

My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, โ€œGee, I never knew you played football.โ€

I said, โ€œWell, I donโ€™t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, โ€œHow much money do you make a week?โ€

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, โ€œI make a little over $400 dollars a week, why?โ€

The CEO said, โ€œWait right here.โ€

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, โ€œHereโ€™s four weeksโ€™ pay. Now GET OUT and donโ€™t come back.โ€

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, โ€œDoes anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?โ€

From across the room a voice said, โ€œSure, he was the Pizza delivery guy from Dominoโ€™s and was just waiting to collect the money.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Chuck Norrisโ€™ first job was as a paperboy.

There were no survivors.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do your boss and a slinky have in common?

Theyโ€™re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful young lady.

Without any preliminaries she said she wanted a divorce.

โ€œOn what grounds?โ€ asked the lawyer.

โ€œI donโ€™t think he is faithful to me,โ€ she replied.

โ€œAnd what makes you think he isnโ€™t faithful?โ€ asked the lawyer.

โ€œWell,โ€ replied the young lady, โ€œI donโ€™t think he is the father of my child.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My interviewer leaned back in his chair and said, โ€œForget everything you learned in college. You wonโ€™t need it working here.โ€

โ€œBut I never went to college,โ€ I replied.

โ€œWell then, Iโ€™m sorry. You are underqualified to work here,โ€ he said, as he showed me the door.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde worked as office assistants for Mrs. Jessell.

They realized that Mrs. Jessell was leaving work early every day, so one day they decided that when she left early, theyโ€™d sneak out a few minutes later.

Minutes after Mrs. Jessell left, they all did the same.

The brunette took a nap.

The redhead got ready for a date.

The blonde went over to her boyfriends house. When she walked in, she saw Mrs. Jessell and her boyfriend smooching on the couch. She backed out the door without them noticing her, feeling very shaky.

The next afternoon, after Mrs. Jessell left work early, the brunette and redhead said they were going to go home as well. But the still shaky blond decided to stay behind.

โ€œWhy?โ€ they asked her.

โ€œBecause,โ€ she replied, โ€œyesterday I almost got caught!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Brunette Mary and blonde Liz were talking in the office one day.

Mary: โ€œWow, that is some cold you have, Liz.โ€

Liz: โ€œTell me about it. I just cannot get rid of it.โ€

Mary: โ€œTry some Cold-Doc 3. I have a bottle in my desk. Just take 3 tablespoons before you go to bed and youโ€™ll be fine. Here ya go.โ€

Liz: โ€œThanks, Iโ€™ll give it a try.โ€

Next Day Liz was standing by her desk jumping up and down, waving her arms in the air and kicking her legs out.

Mary: โ€œLiz, It is nice to see you are feeling better. Is that a new dance?โ€

Liz: โ€œOh No, I still donโ€™t feel that great. I took the medicine you gave me and just realized it said to shake well before using.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A woman walks into the Social Workerโ€™s office, trailed by 15 kids.

โ€œWOW!โ€ the social worker exclaims, โ€œAre they ALL yours?โ€

โ€œYeah, theyโ€™re all mine,โ€ the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, โ€œSit down Terry.โ€ All the children rush to find seats.

โ€œWell,โ€ says the social worker, โ€œthen you must be here to sign up. Iโ€™ll need all your childrenโ€™s names.โ€

โ€œThis oneโ€™s my oldest โ€“ he is Terry.โ€

โ€œOK, and whoโ€™s next?โ€

โ€œWell, this one he is Terry, also.โ€

The social worker raises an eyebrow, but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.

โ€œAll right,โ€ says the caseworker, โ€œIโ€™m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?โ€

Their Mother replied, โ€œWell, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell โ€œTerry!โ€, anโ€™ when itโ€™s time for dinner, I just yell โ€œTerry!โ€, anโ€™ they all come a runnin.

Anโ€™ if I need to stop the kid whoโ€™s running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. Itโ€™s the smartest idea I ever had, namingโ€™ them all Terry.โ€

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, โ€œBut what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?โ€

โ€œI call them by their surnames.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A guy is standing in the street shouting out, โ€œI am God! I am God!โ€

The police call a social worker who comes over to see if he can help.

Walking up to the guy he asks, โ€œWhat is your name?โ€

โ€œI am God,โ€ the guy replies getting agitated.

The social worker says, โ€œCalm down. Why donโ€™t we go into this coffee shop, sit down and have a talk.โ€

As soon as they enter the shop the barista looks at the guy and exclaims, โ€œOh God, not you again!?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why do SEOโ€™s love the farmers market?

Lots of organic content!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I got a job at a paperless office.

Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.

Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his dayโ€™s work.

After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant.

Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation.

His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:

โ€œDebits in the column toward the file cabinet.

Credits in the column toward the window.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.

His friend asks, โ€œDidnโ€™t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?โ€

The businessman replies, โ€œThatโ€™s the accountant weโ€™re looking for.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?

Lazy.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A Doctor was chatting at a party with a Chartered Accountant.

He asked, โ€œHow do I manage this delicate issue when people even at a party like this ask me about their joint pains and heartburn and gas trouble. Just because I am a doctor. Not fair!โ€

The CA friend replied coolly, โ€œJust tell them the right things politely, but send them a bill from your clinic the next morning. Only once. Word will soon get around and it will stop immediately.โ€

โ€œWow! Thanks for the tip,โ€ said the doctor.

Next morning the doctor got a bill from his CA friend: โ€œConsulting charges for Business Developmentโ€.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college.

Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.

13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


It was the first day of school.

Harryโ€™s mother went into his bedroom and said, โ€œCome on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.โ€

โ€œBut I donโ€™t want to go to school,โ€ replied Harry, โ€œI want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?โ€

โ€œBecause,โ€ answered his mother, โ€œyouโ€™re a teacher!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.

One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable at his driving.

The colleague asked, โ€œWhy do you always drive so fast through intersections?โ€

To which the statistics teacher responded, โ€œWell, statistically speaking, youโ€™re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, โ€œAnd what starting salary are you looking for?โ€

The engineer replies, โ€œIn the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.โ€

The interviewer inquires, โ€œWell, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?โ€

The engineer sits up straight and says, โ€œWow! Are you kidding?โ€

The interviewer replies, โ€œYeah, but you started it.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Boss: โ€œDo you believe in life after death?โ€

Employee: โ€œNo, because there is no proof of it.โ€

Boss: โ€œWell there is now!โ€

Employee: โ€œHow?โ€

Boss: โ€œWhen you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncleโ€™s funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, โ€œI can make the boss give me the day off.โ€

The man replies, โ€œAnd how would you do that?โ€

The woman says, โ€œJust wait and see.โ€

She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, โ€œWhat are you doing?โ€

The woman replies, โ€œIโ€™m a light bulb.โ€

The boss then says, โ€œYouโ€™ve been working so much that youโ€™ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.โ€

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, โ€œWhere are you going?โ€

The man says, โ€œIโ€™m going home, too. I canโ€™t work in the dark.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Weโ€™ll see about that.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A recently ordained priest, Father Henry, was to hold his first ever graveside burial service at a pauperโ€™s cemetery for a destitute man with no family or friends.

Father Henry, not knowing where the cemetery was, made several wrong turns and got lost.

He eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the spade was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.

Father Henry, being a reliable young priest went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Feeling guilty because of his lateness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in considerable style.

As the good Father returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, โ€œDo you know, fancy that, Iโ€™ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty five years and I ainโ€™t never seen anything like that.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?

The Exterminator.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„





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