Witch Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Witch Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Witch Jokes

Had an encounter with a dyslexic witch.

I am safe because she couldn’t spell.

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Adam meets a witch.

The witch tells him: β€œTell me I am pretty, or you will be cursed!”

Adam: β€œSorry, but I don’t find you attractive.”

Witch: β€œTake that back, or you most surely will be cursed!

Adam: β€œNope. You’re hideous.”

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: β€œLook where your rudeness brought you!”

Adam: β€œYeah, this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato.”

Witch: β€œVery well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!”

He is still adamant.

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King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old ugly witch can cure him.

But the witch demanded a young, handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her.

On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice, she can be old and ugly during the day, and young and beautiful at night, or vice versa.

Galahad told her that he respected her choice over her appearance and she can decide that.

The witch was pleased, as Galahad knew what a woman wanted the most, is freedom over her body.

She told Galahad that she will be a beautiful wife all the time for him.

The moral of the story is, no matter how good your wife looks, she is still a witch underneath.

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Fitted sheets were originally invented in 1682 in Salem, MA.

Unfortunately, they didn’t catch on at that time, since anyone who could actually fold them was accused of witchcraft and subsequently burned at the stake.

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While I was drunk last night, I was apparently accused of witchcraft.

The next day, I was hung over.

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If people want to learn more about witchcraft...

Do they go to Wiccapedia?

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Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.

Today, it’s called golf.

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Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?

She had a fainting spell.

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What happens to witches who break the school rules?

They get ex-spelled.

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Why did the witch go to the doctor?

She had a dizzy spell.

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What did the tired witch do?

She sat down for a spell.

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Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy?

It was the wicked witch of rest.

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What did the angry witch do while riding her broom?

She flew off the handle.

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What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?

A ham sandwich.

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What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?

A sand-witch.

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What’s the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?

A self-cleaning coven.

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What is the witch’s favorite crime show?

America’s Most Haunted.

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I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?


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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.

I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, β€œHoney there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

She shouted back, β€œJust give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”

My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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What do you call a witch’s garage?

A broom closet.

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