What Is Jokes



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What Is Jokes


What is Bob Marley called on a motorbike?

Bob Harley.

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What is black and white, black and white, black and white?

A nun rolling down a hill.

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What is a bear’s favorite dessert?

Blue beary pie.

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What’s the coldest fish in the sea?

A blue whale.

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What is red, white, and blue?

A sad candy cane.

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What’s a blueberry’s favorite song?

Anything from the Blue Album by Weezer.

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What’s a blue shoe?

A shoe with the blues.

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What’s a sad shade of blue?

Bereaved.

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What’s blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

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What’s a hipster’s favorite type of surgery?

A hip replacement.

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What’s the favorite genre of music on Uranus?

Space Opera.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite hobby?

Planet-ting.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite ice cream flavor?

Gas-tronomic swirl.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite type of bread?

Gas-tly sourdough.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite type of weather?

Gas-tly winds.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite type of vehicle?

Gas-guzzler.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite subject?

Gas-tronomy.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite accessory?

A gas mask.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite type of humor?

Dark matter jokes.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite comedy movie?

Guardians of the Gas-laxy.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite party trick?

Its gas giant dance moves.

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What is the definition of breakfast?

What a driver does when a light suddenly changes.

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What is the result of an art competition?

A draw.

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What is the definition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart.

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What’s the definition of Specimen?

An Italian astronaut.

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What is the definition of laziness?

The art of taking rest before getting tired. Because prevention is better than cure.

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What’s the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it.

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What’s the difference in definition of complete vs. finished?

When you marry the right woman, you are complete.

When you marry the wrong woman, you are finished.

When the right woman finds you with the wrong woman, you are completely finished.

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What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

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What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?

One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.

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What is the difference between a violin and a viola?

A viola burns longer.

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What is the most popular console with the Vikings?

The axe-box.

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What’s the hardest part about being a vegan?

It is getting up at 4.30am to milk the almonds.

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What is great in the US but awful in the UK?

Losing pounds.

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What is special about unicorns?

Their unique horns.

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“What’s the difference between curtains and toilet paper?”

“I don’t know.”

“So it was you!”

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What is Thriday?

That moment when Thursday starts to feel a lot like a Friday.

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What is the busiest day for a chiropractor?

Throwback Thursday.

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What’s the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?

Lefty.

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What’s the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar?

Netflix has Stranger Things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.

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What’s the best way to talk to The Mind Flayer?

From a distance.

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What’s the perfect St. Paddy’s Day breakfast?

Green eggs and ham.

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What’s long and green and only shows up once a year?

The St. Patrick’s Day parade.

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What’s SpongeBob’s worst personality trait?

He’s way too self-absorbent.

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What is a sloth’s favorite form of exercise?

Running late.

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What is the name of a skinny Pakistani cow?

A moo-slim.

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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They’re both pointless.

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What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?

“For Lease Navidad”

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What’s the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?

That’s just how we roll.

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What is a boxer’s favorite drink?

Punch.

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What’s the hardest thing about skydiving?

The ground.

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What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?

The pavement.

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What’s the difference between popcorn and pea soup?

Anyone can pop corn, but you can’t pee soup.

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What’s a Pinterest user’s favorite type of weather?

Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.

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What’s a Pinterest addict’s favorite exercise?

Re-pinning.

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What is a bank card’s favorite fruit?

A PIN-apple.

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What’s the stupidest element on the periodic table?

Silicon.

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What is the easiest way to fit an entire peanut butter sandwich into your mouth?

You jam it.

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What’s a panda’s biggest life regret?

Never had a selfie in color.

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What’s black and white and goes round and round?

A panda stuck in a revolving door.

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What’s black and white and goes up and down?

A panda who’s stuck in a lift.

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What is an otter’s favourite fast car?

A Furrari Testerotter. It really is a dream otter-mobile.

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What is a clinical trial done in October called?

A trick or treatment.

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What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?

“What were you doing the night between November and May?”

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What is the official tree of National Pi Day?

A Pi-ne tree.

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What is the official animal of National Pi Day?

The pi-thon.

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What’s my blood doctor’s favorite motivational quote?

Be Positive.

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What is a moth’s favorite type of glasses?

Lampshades.

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What is a myth?

A female moth.

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What is the world’s largest moth?

A Mam-moth.

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What is going through a moth’s mind when it flies into a car windshield?

Its abdomen.

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What is the definition of a farmer?

Someone is good in their field.

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What’s a kangaroo’s favorite type of clothing?

A jump-suit.

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What’s the most intelligent mountain?

The Cleverest.

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What is a camel’s favorite day of the week?

Hump day!

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What’s an actuary?

An accountant without the sense of humor.

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What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?

A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.

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What is a feminist’s favorite type of candy?

Her-Shes.

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What’s a feminist’s least favorite food?

Gender rolls.

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What’s a feminist’s favorite music festival?

Burning Man.

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What is the favorite fruit of feminists?

Mangoes.

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What is in 2020s calendar?

January, February, Lockdown, December.

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What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite color?

Egg white.

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What’s a good winter tip?

Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.

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What’s the difference between a doctor and a civil engineer?

A doctor kills people one at a time.

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What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.

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What is the common thing between an entrepreneur and a suicide bomber?

Do the job well on the first try and they are set for life.

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What’s suicide bombers’ biggest fear?

Dying alone.

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What’s the difference between a bassist and god?

God doesn’t think he’s a bassist.

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What’s the definition of an optimist?

A bassist player with a mortgage.

😄 😄 😄


What’s the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

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What’s the best thing to play a bass guitar with?

A razor blade.

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What’s the difference between an architect and an engineer?

If architects built all the buildings, they would fall down on their own.

If engineers built all the buildings, they’d be so ugly, we’d tear them all down.

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What’s the difference between a doctor and an architect?

An architect’s mistakes are there for the world to see, but a doctor buries their mistakes.

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What is the propeller used for on an airplane?

Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.

If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.

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What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?

The ice falls out of your drinks!

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What is the perfect profession for narcissists?

Architect. Because they’ll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.

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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.

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What is totally untrue about mummies?

That they are all evil. They get a bad wrap.

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What’s the difference between a cow and a moose?

One moos, the other moose.

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What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

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What’s a teacher’s favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?

By giving students a pop quiz to see if they’ve been may-taining their knowledge.

😄 😄 😄


What’s the most common operation in a Lego hospital?

Plastic surgery.

😄 😄 😄


What’s a koala’s favorite end-of-the-world food?

Apocalyptus.

😄 😄 😄


What is a bear’s favorite drink?

Koka-Koala.

😄 😄 😄


What is it called when your knee transplant fails?

Iron-knee.

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What’s the first month of the year in Transylvania?

Janu-eerie.

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What’s a tall person’s worst fear?

Ceiling fans.

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What is God’s favorite guitar chord?

G-Sus.

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What is it called when two redheads have a kid?

Ginger bred.

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What’s the scariest thing to do on Friday the 13th?

Check your bank account.

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What’s a drummer’s favorite vegetable?

Beets.

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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?

Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

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What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too?

Imagination.

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What’s the difference between me and a camel?

A camel can work all week without drinking, I can drink all week without working.

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What is red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

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What’s the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?

You have to send them a letter with your number B4 they’ll respond.

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What is a pressing thought of every pig?

“Why do all bacons get cooked and cookies get baked?”

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What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Taking a bite and finding half a worm.

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What’s the largest species of ants?

Gi-ants.

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What’s a cow’s favorite TV drama?

Graze Anatomy.

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What is an alpaca that is mixed with a dog called?

A Wool-f.

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What is a NASA office worker’s favorite part of the workday?

Launchtime.

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What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?

The turkey.

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What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving Day?

On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day.

On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.

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What’s the one thing in this human life that you can count on?

A calculator.

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What’s the fastest speed at which a seahorse swims?

At a scallop.

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What is a seafood an Italian would love to have?

A moray.

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What’s Shrek’s favorite item of clothing?

An ogrecoat.

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What’s worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

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What’s a poodle’s favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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What’s the lazy baker’s favorite recipe?

Loaf bread.

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What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?

The bogeyman.

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What’s a pun’s best trait?

His pun-ctuality.

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What’s the worst part about April Fools?

Jokes without punchlines.

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What is a soldier’s most active day of the year?

March forth!

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What is a sailor’s least favorite vegetable?

Leeks.

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What is a recently divorced woman’s favorite fruit?

Mango.

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What is the opposite of mango?

Womanstay.

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What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room?

Sushi.

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What is a pirate’s least favorite workout?

Planks. His favorite is chest day.

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What is small, square and green?

A small green square.

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What is the proper way to use a stress ball at work?

To throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.

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What is the best way to criticize your boss?

Very quietly, so he cannot hear you.

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What is a poet’s favorite legume?

Rhyma-beans!

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What is a deer’s favorite boba flavor?

C-antelope!

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What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?

Summer!

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What is a math teacher’s favorite tree?

Geometry.

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What is CHEVROLET an acronym for?

Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques.

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What’s the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

😄 😄 😄


What’s the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

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What is a vampire’s worst fear?

Tooth decay.

😄 😄 😄


What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

I-Scream!

😄 😄 😄


What is in a ghost’s nose?

Boo-gers.

😄 😄 😄


What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man?

“You are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!”

😄 😄 😄


What’s the best thing to put on a hot dog?

Water, to cool him down.

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What is the best way to enjoy a hot dog?

Relish it.

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What is the name of Dr. Strange’s cousin who can’t do magic?

Doctor Normal.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite day of the week?

Flyday.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite part of the joke?

The punch line!

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite sport?

Fly fishing.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite Disney movie?

Peter Pan.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite food?

French flies.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?

Peter parkway.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?

Spot-a-fly.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite exercise?

Spin class.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite pastime?

Surfing the web.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite brand of rice?

Uncle Ben’s.

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What’s a bowling ball’s favorite sweet?

Skittles!

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What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

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What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

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What is Planet Earth’s favorite dance move?

The moonwalk.

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What is a planet’s favorite gum?

Orbit.

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What’s the best way to organize a space party?

Planet early!

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What is Dracula’s favorite type of moon phase?

A Blood moon.

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What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament?

By live stream.

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What’s an alien’s favorite treat?

Martian-mallows!

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What’s an alien’s favorite chocolate bar?

A mars bar!

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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

There have been sightings of UFOs.

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What’s closer, France or the Moon?

The Moon, obviously! You can’t see France from here!

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What is the moon’s favorite cartoon?

Lunar-toons.

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What’s the best drink they make in space?

Le-moon-ade!

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What is the moon’s favorite type of cheese?

Moon-zerella cheese!

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What is the moon’s favorite type of music?

Rocket and roll!

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What’s under the Pillsbury Doughboy’s apron?

Donuts.

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What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?

Eat donuts.

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What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?

“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star”.

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What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?

An antidought!

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What’s the National Donut Day theme song?

“Donut Stop Believing”.

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What’s a donut’s favorite day of the week?

Fry-day.

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What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?

Dollars to Donuts.

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What is another fancy name for a sun fart?

A solar flare.

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What is a monster’s favorite part of a birthday celebration?

I scream.

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What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?

Heaven ice day!

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What’s the best thing about having a big nose?

You’re the first to know when dinner’s ready!

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What’s the best thing about being an anteater?

You’re born with a built-in straw!

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What’s the best way to make a million dollars in horse racing?

Start with 2 million.

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What’s the only room in your house you can’t go into?

A mushroom.

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What’s the world’s biggest mushroom competition?

The champignon’s league.

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What’s the difference between stormtroopers having a party and mushrooms being picked?

One’s bad guys having a fun time and the other one’s fungi having a bad time!

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What’s the difference between praying in church and at the track?

At the track you really mean it!

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What is green, white, and red all over?

An elf with a sunburn.

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What is green and dangerous?

A thundering herd of pickles!

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What’s black and white and green in the middle?

Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.

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What’s the worst thing that can happen on a Friday?

When you realize it’s Thursday.

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What’s the difference between love and marriage?

Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

😄 😄 😄


What’s green and hangs from trees?

Giraffe snot.

😄 😄 😄


What’s brown and very bad for your dental health?

A baseball bat.

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What’s the healthiest part of a donut?

The middle.

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What is blue and lies under a mushroom?

Smurf poop.

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What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?

Start off with a big fortune!

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What is the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand.

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What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday!

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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”

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What is one of the major advantages of being a bald person?

No matter what happens they can never be to blame for hair on the food!

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What is the longest word in the English language?

“Smiles”. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.

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What’s the worst thing about having a big nose?

Birds are always perching on it!

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What’s worse than having a big nose?

Having a big nose and tiny hands!

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What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer?

The space bar.

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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire.

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What’s the best thing to put into a pie?

Your teeth!

😄 😄 😄


What is the first day of the week called in outer space?

Moon-day!

😄 😄 😄


What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

Oops!

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