Enjoy our team's carefully selected What Do You Call Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
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What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
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What do you call a lawyer who’s also a pirate?
A barracuda-talking sea attorney.
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What do you call a group of lawyers?
A lawsuit of attorneys.
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What do you call a lawyer who sings?
An opera attorney.
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What do you call a lawyer who practices in the morning?
A dawning attorney.
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What do you call a bad electrician?
A shock absorber.
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What do you call it when a whole bunch of cacti fall over?
A cac-tas-trophy.
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What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
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What do you call a fasting camel?
Hump-less.
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How do you call a cow in Ramadan?
A Mooslim.
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What do you call the end of Ramadan?
Ramadusk.
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What do you call a Muslim crocodile?
An Allahgator.
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What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist?
It is a great peach of work.
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What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?
A milk sheikh.
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What do you call a grape that’s always getting into trouble?
A mis-grape.
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What do you call a grape that can perform juggle?
A grape-fruit.
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What do you call a half-baked joke?
A pun in the oven.
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What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
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Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
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What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
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If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it?
Raisin hell!
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What did the plumber call his restroom?
A home office.
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What do you call a person from Portugal?
Portuguese.
What do you call a person from Portugal who hangs out in a pub with a pint in his hand on a match day?
Portugeezer.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?
A porto potty.
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What do you call a Portuguese person all by themself?
A Portugoose.
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What do you call rain on Turkey Day?
Fowl weather.
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What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?
Fangs-giving.
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What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
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What do you call bread baked by a poet?
Poet-rye.
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What does vikings call English villages?
Chopping centers.
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What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
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What do you call a realistic prankster?
A practical joker.
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What do you call it when you prank a person on Sunday?
Sabbathtoge.
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What do you call a streetcar that plays pranks on people?
A troll-ey.
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What do you call a leprechaun’s prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
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What is it called when shapes play pranks on each other?
Geometrick.
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What do you call a hammer bought on April 1st?
April tool.
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What do you call the people born in April who aren’t particularly intelligent?
April fools.
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What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?
Shrekspeare.
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What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer.
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What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
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What do you call a dumb carnivore?
A meathead.
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What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu?
A gastrophysicist.
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What do you call a flu that became a musician?
Achoo-bacca.
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What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu?
A gastrophysicist.
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What do you call a flying pig?
Swine flu.
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What do you call a unicorn who got a flu shot?
An immunicorn.
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What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?
Influen(zer).
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What do you call a nun with a drinking problem?
A bad habit.
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What do you call oyster nuns?
Cloisters.
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What do you call a sleep walking Nun?
A Roamin’ Catholic.
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What do you call a red, white and blue pie?
Pastry-otic.
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What do you call cheese that is sad?
Blue cheese.
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What do you call a sad berry?
A blue-fruit.
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What do you call a depressed unicorn?
A blue-corn.
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What do you call a blue owl?
A hoo-dini.
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What do you call a sneaky blue bean?
A navy bean.
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What do you call a depressed blue crayon?
Blue-tiful.
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What do you call a blue cat that likes to race?
A fast purrr-ple.
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What do you call a sad little blue planet?
A gloom.
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blue-berry.
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What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?
Hip-late.
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What do you call a skeleton who just had hip surgery?
Hip-ster!
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
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What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects?
A con artist.
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What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
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What do you call a fire at the Internet café?
An e-mergency.
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What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
Phil Ming.
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What do you call a red panda dentist?
A molar bear.
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What do you call a farmer with a physical therapy degree?
A chirotractor.
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What do you call a male buffalo?
A buffellow.
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What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?
An ambulance!
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What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace?
Melancolleague(s).
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What do you call a tuna with a monocle?
Sofishticated.
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What do you call a zombie that writes the music?
Decomposer.
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What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
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What do you call a Spanish guy who has been discharged from hospital?
Manuel.
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What do you call a guy who’s mad about his feet getting run over?
Lack-toes intolerant.
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What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?
Constantine.
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What do you call a guy who urinates on the streets of Europe?
European.
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What do you call a guy in a plaid suit?
Check mate.
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What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?
Art.
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What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
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What do you call a guy who’s laying down in front of a door?
Matt.
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What do you call a guy that works out a lot?
Jim.
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What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
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What do you call a guy who specializes in tile floors?
Tyler.
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What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink?
A cab.
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What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?
An orca-stra.
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What do you call a Viking who can’t catch fish?
A cod-less heathen.
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What do you call a unicorn’s dad?
Popcorn.
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What do you call a unicorn with two horns?
A goat.
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What do you call a Thursday that feels a bit off?
Thirst-day, because it’s always craving the weekend.
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What do you call Texas if it ever successfully seceded from the USA?
Texit.
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What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A Do-you-think-he-saw-urus.
How do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog?
Do-you-think-he-saw-urus Rex.
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What do you call a T-Rex that’s been weightlifting all day?
Dino-sore.
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What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
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What do you call an Asian electrician who is skinny?
Light Ning.
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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
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What do you call a grizzly with no shoes?
Bear foot.
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What do you call a polar bear on the South Pole and another Polar Bear On The North Pole?
Polar Opposites.
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What do you call a bear who lives in the Arctic and has extreme mood swings?
A bi-polar bear.
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What do you call a fat pineapple?
A pineapple chunk.
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What do you call a penny that thinks for itself?
A centient.
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What do you call a parrot when he can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
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What do you call a male panda?
Amanda.
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What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
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What do you call an otter with acne?
A spotty otter.
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What do you call an otter who’s obsessed with trains?
A trainsp-otter.
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What do you call an otter with a brand-new pair of glasses?
A see otter.
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What do you call an otter who has yams in both of his ears?
It doesn’t matter, he can’t hear you.
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What do you call a group of nurses who are musicians?
Band aides.
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What do you call an older woman who was born around late November and early December?
Saggytarius.
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What do you call the 1st of November?
Octover.
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What do you call a moth that won’t leave you alone?
Moth-erly.
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What do you call a group of union workers on Labor Day?
A day of rest-olution.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Labor Day?
A pouch potato.
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What do you call a tired kangaroo?
Out of bounds.
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What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever!
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What do you call an elevator filled with rational, intelligent people?
A lift.
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What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
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What do you call a bird that’s afraid of heights?
A chicken.
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What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male.
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What do you call someone who likes Easter but doesn’t believe in the Easter Bunny?
Eggnostic.
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What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
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What do you call a Catholic priest who became a lawyer?
A father-in-law.
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What do you call a chocolate Easter Bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
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What do you call a bug that hesitates before biting something?
A nervous tick.
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What do nuns call prison air conditioning?
A convent.
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What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.
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What do you call an aboriginal hanging in a tree?
Abocado.
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What do you call an aboriginal in a lamp?
An abori-genie.
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What do you call an aboriginal rolling down a hill?
Abolanche.
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What do you call a man with one leg?
Anything you want. He can’t run fast enough to catch you.
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What do you call a dog, with one eye and one leg?
Lucky.
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What does a one-legged man call karate?
Partial Arts.
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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
Tai Wan Shu.
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What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social Security.
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What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?
The wrong firework.
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What do you call a Polish fisherman?
A fishing pole.
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What do you call a Polish ape?
Chimpanski.
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What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a volleyball court?
Annette.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican dish that’s not spicy?
A mistake.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican without a car?
Carlos.
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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot-in-common.
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What do you call a small, yellow onion?
A Min-ion.
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What do you call someone who has a lot of minions?
A minion-aire.
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What do minions call their grandmothers?
Ba-nanas.
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Why are they called the armed forces?
Because it’s hard to fight a war with just your legs.
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What do you call violent mermaids?
Mercenaries.
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What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
Aerial.
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If mermaid is woman, then what do you call a man version of mermaid?
Merbutler.
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What do you call a Chinese lobster?
A crust-asian.
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What do you call an annoyed lobster?
A frustacean.
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What do you call a llama with his head underwater?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
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What do you call a PC made of legos?
Bricked.
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What do you call tea made with weed and koala bears?
A High Koala Tea Beverage.
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What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
A Volt-demort.
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What do you call a left-handed woman with a gunshot wound in her right arm?
An ambulance.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?
A tattoo.
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What do you call a bass player who broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
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What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
A paradux.
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What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
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What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying “tick, tick, tick”?
A metro-gnome.
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What do you call a psychic gnome that just committed a hit and run?
A small medium at large.
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What do you call a red-haired baker?
The ginger bread man.
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What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
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What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flamin-ghost.
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What do you call a person who overuses emojis?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?
An emoji.
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What do you call a detective electrician?
Sherlock Ohms.
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What do you call a dragon with no wings?
Draggin.
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What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?
Dolphout.
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What do you call two depressed bears?
Bipolar.
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What do you call a female crab who is also single?
Ms. Shell.
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What do you call a crab that throws things?
A lobster.
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What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
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What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-a.
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What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus?
A porcupine.
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What do you call a gender-confused cactus that relocates to another country?
A trans plant.
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What do you call a bison that is good at telling lies?
Bluffalo.
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What do you call a 200-year-old Buffalo?
A bison-tennial.
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What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?
Hamsterdam.
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What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
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What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
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What do you call a talking turtle?
A cartoon.
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What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?
The Anti-crust.
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What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
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What do you call dental X-rays?
Tooth pics.
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What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain.
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What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
Pointless.
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What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A URL-ologist.
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What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
Snoop Dogg.
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What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosnore.
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What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeño business.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyathinkysaurus.
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What do you call a fish with 4 eyes?
A fiiiish.
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side?
Vader Tots.
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What do you call two Han Solos singing together?
Han Duet.
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What do you call someone doing yoga with the flu?
Sick and twisted.
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What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?
A mango lassie.
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What do you call a dog that herds watermelons?
A Melon Collie.
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What do you call a Jewish fish?
Isra-eel.
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What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?
Sushi roll.
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What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?
A guaca-mole.
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What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
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People that don’t eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don’t eat vegetables?
Constipated.
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What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?
Hummus-cide.
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What do you call someone who’s really into stationary biking?
A cyclepath.
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What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese.
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What do you call a Hispanic man who spilled his nachos?
A messycan.
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What do you call tortilla chips with guns?
Loaded Nachos.
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What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?
A cheesy pickup line.
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What do you call a religious animal that loves sandwiches?
The Deli Llama.
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What do you call a single kernel of corn?
A uni-corn.
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What do you call a retired old cowboy?
De-ranged.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No ideer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no ideer.
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What do you call it when you walk into a tea shop and feel like you’ve been there before?
Déja-brew.
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What does a predator call a hummingbird?
Fast food!
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What did they call the first person to bake a pie?
A pie-oneer.
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What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
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What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
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What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
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What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke?
The snack that’s also crack.
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What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
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What do you call a Chevrolet parked at the top of a hill?
A miracle.
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What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A desserter.
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What do you call someone who’s happy on Mondays?
Retired!
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What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?
A sand-witch.
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What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day?
Lazy bones.
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?
The “inedible snowman”.
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What do you call a pumpkin that can slam-dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
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What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
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What do you call a sea of hot dogs?
Frank Ocean.
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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank.
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What do you call a saw that cuts hot dogs?
Sawsage.
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What do you call a candid hot dog?
A frankfurter.
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What do you call a claim that a guy could eat a foot long hot dog in two bites?
Hard to swallow.
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What do you call a hot dog race?
Wiener takes all.
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What do you call a frozen frankfurter?
A chili dog.
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What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?
A hollow-weenie!
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What do you call Spider-Man with 20 eyes?
Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider-Man.
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If Spider-Man suddenly runs out of web when he’s chasing bad guys, what is he called?
Peter Parkour.
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What do you call it when Spider-Man is involved in a love triangle?
A tangled web.
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What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?
A Spin-Off.
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What did people start calling Spider-man when he started to stop minding his own business and started interfering in others?
Nosy Parker.
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What do you call it when Spider-Man defeats Iron Man?
Tony Stuck.
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What do you call Spider-Man when he quits The Daily Bugle and starts working as a valet?
Peter PARKER.
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What do you call Spider-Man when he parks his car?
Peter PARKER.
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What would you call if Spider-Man starts jumping around buildings instead of swinging using his spider webs?
Peter Parkour.
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What is the 7th pin in bowling called?
Mother-In-Law!
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What do you call a triumphant procession held by the bowling pins?
A perfect strike.
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What do you call a blood-sucking arachnid on the moon?
A lunar tick.
😄 😄 😄
What does for call the moon after a bat flies into it?
A blood moon!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a snowman in summer?
A puddle.
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What do you call a cantaloupe in a swimming pool?
A watermelon.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?
A barberqueue!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air conditioning unit?
A frying saucer!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?
A marsh-in!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call alien eggs?
Eggstra-terrestrials!
😄 😄 😄
In honor of Area 51, what do you call too many aliens in one place?
Extra terrestrials.
😄 😄 😄
What do aliens call an American who couldn’t cross the road?
A flat Earther.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an alien with no eyes?
Alen.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?
Coco pebbles.
😄 😄 😄
What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?
McLady.
😄 😄 😄
What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?
Hairy Potter.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a goat with a beard?
A goatee.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon?
A lunatic.
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What do you call a crazy moon?
Lunacy.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lazy man in space?
A procrastronaut.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a rampaging cow under the full moon?
Udder lunacy.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunar-tick!
😄 😄 😄
If they used money in space, guess what it would be called?
Starbucks!
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call a sleeping piece of paper?
A napkin.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what Santa calls his elves?
Subordinate Clauses!
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call someone who never falls down the stairs?
A stair-voyant.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator!
😄 😄 😄
Two monkeys are sharing an Amazon account, guess what are they called?
Prime mates.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
😄 😄 😄
A famous tortoise lives next door. Guess what it’s called?
A shell-ebrity.
😄 😄 😄
What would you call a cute and sassy donut?
Glazing adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a cute donut?
Adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an underwater Dunken’ Donuts?
Sunken Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a kilogram of donuts?
Property of obesity.
😄 😄 😄
What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?
Bread Alert!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the phenomenon where nobody can hear you on Zoom?
A Mute-ation.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sausage who’s been sunbathing all day?
Done!
😄 😄 😄
What is sun-bathing called in northern Spain?
Basqueing.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a female horse that refuses to work while the sun is up?
A Nightmare!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a picture of a mushroom with no arms, legs or head?
A stalk photo.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?
A shii-talkin mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call when you mix brandy, shiitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?
The ambulance.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?
Fun-gi to be around!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pharmacist working at a veterinary drug company?
A FARM-ASSIST.
😄 😄 😄
What would you call the alarm clock, which always goes off at 2 am every day?
A ringing nightmare.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when an elf takes a photo of himself?
Nothing! Elves don’t exist!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?
By their names.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his limbs?
A rookie.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Lazy.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?
Bob.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?
Phil.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?
Eve.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
😄 😄 😄
Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?
A “B”.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?
A Ford Siesta.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy bear.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
😄 😄 😄
What is the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moon-day!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
😄 😄 😄
