Enjoy our team's carefully selected What Do Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
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What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
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What do clams do on a summer vacation?
They shell-ebrate.
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
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What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
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What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
Toot-and-come-in.
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What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews.
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What do you get when you cross the godfather with an attorney?
An offer you can’t understand.
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What does Muslim Sonic say when Ramadan begins?
“Gotta go fast!”
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What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
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What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
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What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
Me ghosta.
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What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
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What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies.
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What did Bruno Mars bring to the Thanksgiving Potluck?
24 Karat cakes.
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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
“…This is the way.”
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What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
“Easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”
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What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.
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What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
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What do Indians, Pilgrims, and Puritans have in common?
The letter ‘I’.
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What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
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What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
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What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?
A Yamahaha.
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What do nuns do?
Nunthing.
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What do elves and registered nurses have in common?
They both do all the work and one guy in an oversized coat gets all the credit.
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What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
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What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
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What do you get when you send a wolf to therapy?
Aware wolf.
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What do a unicorn and an ocean filled with orange soda have in common?
They are both a Fanta sea.
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What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
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What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A transfarmer.
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What do farmers use to make crop circles?
A pro-tractor.
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What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
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What do you say at a robot funeral?
Rust in peace.
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What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A polar bear.
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What do plumbers, garbage men, and economists all have in common?
They all deal with gross domestic product.
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What do you get when you cross a pineapple and a pig?
A porky–pine.
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What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes.
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What do you say to the otter with a bad tooth?
“You otter see the dentist.”
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What do you say when it’s the end of the month?
Oct-over.
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What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips.
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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
Great big holes all over Australia.
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What do feminists say at the end of their prayers?
Awomen.
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What do you say when someone dies between February 19th and March 20th?
Rest in Pisces.
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What do my ex-wife and the economy have in common?
Inflation over time.
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What do they have for breakfast in earthquake zones?
Panquakes.
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What do truckers celebrate in December?
The haul-idays.
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.
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What do you put in a female balloon?
Shelium.
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What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?
Pop!
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What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
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On 4 July, what do you get when you put a photo of America in a locket?
Then it becomes in-da-pendant.
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What do spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?
Lemon aid.
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You’re on your death bed and you’re known as a practical joker in the family. What do you say as your last joke with your dying breath?
The cornyer the better!
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What do an insurance policy and a woman have in common?
They are both expensive, difficult to understand, and what you get is not guaranteed.
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What do dragons like with their soup?
Firecrackers.
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What do you get when you cross a Tyrannosaurus rex with explosives?
Dino-mite.
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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room.
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What do diarrhea and eye colour have in common?
It runs in your genes.
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What do a cyclist and a politician have in common?
Both demand you respect them, but don’t want to follow the same rules as you.
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There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
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What do vampires play bingo with?
Stake money.
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What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
Pineapple.
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What do you get when you cross a turtle and an alpaca?
A turtleneck sweater.
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What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
Nothing, they’re already stuffed.
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What do you say when it’s raining chickens and ducks on April Fools’ Day?
It’s fowl spring weather.
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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don’t know, lettuce sea.
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What do you have left over after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
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What do vegetarians say when they meet someone new?
Nice to vegetable you.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?
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What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?
The saddest vegetable known to man—a melonccoli.
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What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
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What do you eat at the beach?
A sand-wich.
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What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread.
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What do peanuts wear on their feet?
Cashews.
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What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?
Tear gas.
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What do you say to an angry baked sweet potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
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What do you do when you see a severely injured pig that requires immediate medical attention?
You call the hambulance.
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What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
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What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet.
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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?
They both view alcohol as a solution.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it’s Halloween...
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What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
Spook-hetti!
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What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
Vanishing cream.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?
Mummies.
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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It’s good for business.
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What do you do when you get locked outside your house in the cold weather?
You talk to the lock because communication is key.
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What do you have to put on your hot dogs?
Must-ard!
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What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?
They bug the villains!
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What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?
Pita Parker.
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What do you wear to the September full moon?
A har-VEST.
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What do snowmen do in summer?
Chillout.
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What do you do if you get rejected for a job at the sunscreen company?
Reapply.
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What do you get if you cross a martian with a golf score?
A little green bogey.
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What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
A martian-mallow!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?
Take me to your liter.
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What do you give an alien?
Some space!
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What do aliens like to read?
Comet books!
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What do aliens like to eat?
Unidentified frying objects!
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What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
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What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate?
A Ferrari Rocher!
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You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
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What do neckbeards like on their hotdogs?
M’stard.
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What do neckbeards put on their pancakes?
M’lasses.
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?
M’stache.
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What do you get when you take a green cheese on the moon and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Moon pi.
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What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
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What do you use to hold things on the moon?
Crate-rs.
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What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honey-earth!
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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
Jail-y Donuts.
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What do love and fatty foods have in common?
They both go straight for your heart!
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What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
Ice cream.
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What do you get when a giant steps on a house?
Mush-rooms.
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What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard because it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
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What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A six-foot toothbrush.
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What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
Depreciation.
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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?
Crashed potatoes!
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What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
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What do you do when you break your leg in two places?
Quit going to those two places!
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