What Do Jokes



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What Do Jokes


What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?

Toot-and-come-in.

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What does a squirrel wear on its feet?

Cashews.

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What do you get when you cross the godfather with an attorney?

An offer you can’t understand.

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What does Muslim Sonic say when Ramadan begins?

“Gotta go fast!”

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What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?

They stay in Quran-tine.

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What does a grape do with his grandchildren?

He is raisin them.

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What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?

Me ghosta.

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What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?

Baking soda.

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What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?

Yammies.

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What did Bruno Mars bring to the Thanksgiving Potluck?

24 Karat cakes.

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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?

“…This is the way.”

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What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?

“Easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”

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What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants.

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What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?

You deserve butter.

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What do Indians, Pilgrims, and Puritans have in common?

The letter ‘I’.

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What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

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What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?

A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

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What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?

A Yamahaha.

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What do nuns do?

Nunthing.

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What do elves and registered nurses have in common?

They both do all the work and one guy in an oversized coat gets all the credit.

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What do zombie actors do before they perform?

They re-hearse.

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What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?

It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.

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What do you get when you send a wolf to therapy?

Aware wolf.

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What do a unicorn and an ocean filled with orange soda have in common?

They are both a Fanta sea.

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What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?

A turtle neck jumper.

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What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?

A transfarmer.

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What do farmers use to make crop circles?

A pro-tractor.

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What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?

An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.

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What do you say at a robot funeral?

Rust in peace.

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What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?

A polar bear.

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What do plumbers, garbage men, and economists all have in common?

They all deal with gross domestic product.

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What do you get when you cross a pineapple and a pig?

A porky–pine.

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What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?

Panda-cakes.

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What do you say to the otter with a bad tooth?

“You otter see the dentist.”

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What do you say when it’s the end of the month?

Oct-over.

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What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?

Fission Chips.

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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A woolly jumper.

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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?

Great big holes all over Australia.

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What do feminists say at the end of their prayers?

Awomen.

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What do you say when someone dies between February 19th and March 20th?

Rest in Pisces.

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What do my ex-wife and the economy have in common?

Inflation over time.

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What do they have for breakfast in earthquake zones?

Panquakes.

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What do truckers celebrate in December?

The haul-idays.

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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?

A bunny with money.

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What do you put in a female balloon?

Shelium.

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What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?

Pop!

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What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?

Hogs and kisses.

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On 4 July, what do you get when you put a photo of America in a locket?

Then it becomes in-da-pendant.

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What do spiders eat in Paris?

French flies.

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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemon aid.

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You’re on your death bed and you’re known as a practical joker in the family. What do you say as your last joke with your dying breath?

The cornyer the better!

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What do an insurance policy and a woman have in common?

They are both expensive, difficult to understand, and what you get is not guaranteed.

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What do dragons like with their soup?

Firecrackers.

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What do you get when you cross a Tyrannosaurus rex with explosives?

Dino-mite.

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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?

Plenty of room.

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What do diarrhea and eye colour have in common?

It runs in your genes.

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What do a cyclist and a politician have in common?

Both demand you respect them, but don’t want to follow the same rules as you.

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There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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What do vampires play bingo with?

Stake money.

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What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

Pineapple.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and an alpaca?

A turtleneck sweater.

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What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?

Nothing, they’re already stuffed.

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What do you say when it’s raining chickens and ducks on April Fools’ Day?

It’s fowl spring weather.

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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?

I don’t know, lettuce sea.

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What do you have left over after a pig eats a watermelon?

Pork rinds.

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What do vegetarians say when they meet someone new?

Nice to vegetable you.

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If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?

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What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man—a melonccoli.

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What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?

A ham sandwich.

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What do you eat at the beach?

A sand-wich.

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What do elves make sandwiches with?

Shortbread.

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What do peanuts wear on their feet?

Cashews.

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What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Tear gas.

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What do you say to an angry baked sweet potato?

Anything, just butter him up.

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What do you do when you see a severely injured pig that requires immediate medical attention?

You call the hambulance.

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What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

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What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet.

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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it’s Halloween...

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What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?

Spook-hetti!

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What do ghosts use to do their makeup?

Vanishing cream.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies.

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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?

Candy. It’s good for business.

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What do you do when you get locked outside your house in the cold weather?

You talk to the lock because communication is key.

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What do you have to put on your hot dogs?

Must-ard!

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What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?

They bug the villains!

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What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?

Pita Parker.

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What do you wear to the September full moon?

A har-VEST.

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What do snowmen do in summer?

Chillout.

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What do you do if you get rejected for a job at the sunscreen company?

Reapply.

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What do you get if you cross a martian with a golf score?

A little green bogey.

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What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?

A martian-mallow!

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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What do you give an alien?

Some space!

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What do aliens like to read?

Comet books!

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What do aliens like to eat?

Unidentified frying objects!

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What do aliens spread on their toast?

Space jam.

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What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate?

A Ferrari Rocher!

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You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?

Diabetes.

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What do neckbeards like on their hotdogs?

M’stard.

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What do neckbeards put on their pancakes?

M’lasses.

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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?

M’stache.

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What do you get when you take a green cheese on the moon and divide its circumference by its diameter?

Moon pi.

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What do you think walking on the moon is like?

Not very impactful.

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What do you use to hold things on the moon?

Crate-rs.

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What do moon people do after they get married?

Go on their honey-earth!

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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?

Jail-y Donuts.

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What do love and fatty foods have in common?

They both go straight for your heart!

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What do you get from an Alaskan cow?

Ice cream.

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What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mush-rooms.

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What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard because it’s the best thing for a hot dog.

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What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?

A six-foot toothbrush.

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What do your boss and a slinky have in common?

They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?

Depreciation.

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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?

Keep trying until you get a reaction.

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What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?

Crashed potatoes!

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A friend you can count on.

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What do you do when you break your leg in two places?

Quit going to those two places!

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