Violist Jokes



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Violist Jokes


Why donโ€™t violists play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

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How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?

The bow is moving.

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Why do violists stand for long periods outside peopleโ€™s houses?

They canโ€™t find the key, and they donโ€™t know when to come in.

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How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They canโ€™t reach that high.

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My wife stopped me on the way out the door with my viola case in hand.

Wife: โ€œWhere do you think youโ€™re going?โ€

Me: โ€œI got a gig.โ€

Wife: โ€œA gig? I thought all your gigs got canceled?โ€

Me: โ€œI got a new one.โ€

Wife: โ€œWho hires a violist when weโ€™re all quarantined?โ€

Me: โ€œThe health department. They want me to walk down the street playing my viola to get everyone to run inside and shut their windows.โ€

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A viola player goes into a music shop.

The shop assistant asks what he would like.

The viola player says, โ€œWell, Iโ€™ve been playing the viola for years and Iโ€™m getting really tired of everyone pointing and laughing and acting like I donโ€™t know the first thing about music, so Iโ€™m thinking about taking up another instrument.โ€

โ€œDo you know what youโ€™d like to play?โ€ asks the assistant.

The viola player says, โ€œIโ€™m not sure yet. Is it all right if I have a look around for a while?โ€

Of course the assistant says that would be just fine.

So after ten minutes or so the viola player comes up to the desk and says, โ€œI think Iโ€™ve made my decision. Iโ€™d like to buy the bagpipes you have by the door, and the big white accordion.โ€

The assistant says, โ€œLet me just go and see the manager.โ€ He goes and sees the manager.

He comes back and says, โ€œThe manager says you can have the fire extinguisher for ยฃ49.99, but the radiatorโ€™s not for sale.โ€

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