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Vegetables Puns and Hilarious Vegetable Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Vegetable Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



โ€œWhere did you get this mushroom recipe?โ€ Husband asks his wife.

โ€œIn a detective novel,โ€ she answers.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A guy walks into the doctorโ€™s office.

A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.

The man says, โ€œDoc, this is terrible. Whatโ€™s wrong with me?โ€

The doctor says, โ€œWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.

โ€œHow wonderful! I hope you donโ€™t mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?โ€

โ€œHe ate poisonous mushrooms and died.โ€

โ€œOh, how tragic! What about your second husband?โ€

โ€œHe also ate poisonous mushrooms and died.โ€

โ€œOh, how terrible! Iโ€™m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.โ€

โ€œHe died of a broken neck.โ€

โ€œA broken neck?โ€

โ€œHe wouldnโ€™t eat the mushrooms.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Two men โ€” one a brunette and the other a blonde โ€” were comparing their luck picking up girls at the beach.

The brunette guy says, โ€œWhat works for me is this: Go to a grocery store, buy a potato and put it in your swim trunk.โ€

The blonde guy thanks him and spends the next 5 hours roaming the beach with a potato in his swim trunks โ€“ with no luck.

He says to his brunette friend that he did put a potato in his swim trunks and had no luck.

The brunette guy says to the blonde guy, โ€œYou stupid! The potato goes in the FRONT of your trunks, not the back!!!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles.

He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute.

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why shouldnโ€™t you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Three women escape from prison โ€” a blonde and two brunettes โ€” and to get away from the cops they hide in an abandoned farm house.

Inside the house there are three sacks that the escapees crawl into when the police search the building.

One of the cops sees the sacks and yells, โ€œThereโ€™s just three burlap sacks in here!โ€

To which his partner replies, โ€œThen kick them just to be sure itโ€™s not them hidingโ€.

The officer goes and kicks one with a brunette in it and she yells, โ€œMEEEYYOWW!โ€

The officer says, โ€œOh, its just a stupid cat in there.โ€

So he kicks the one with the other brunette in it and she yells, โ€œRUUFFF RUFFF!โ€

The officer says, โ€œOh, itโ€™s just a stupid dog!โ€

Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells, โ€œPOTATOES!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which theyโ€™d never seen before.

Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.

When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, โ€œI wouldnโ€™t eat that if I were you.โ€

โ€œWhy not?โ€

โ€œI took one bite and went blind for half a minute.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why donโ€™t blondes eat bananas?

They canโ€™t find the zipper.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Broccoli: โ€œHey, I look like a tree.โ€

Mushroom: โ€œWow, I look just like an umbrella.โ€

Walnut: โ€œI look exactly like a brain.โ€

Banana: โ€œMan, can we change the topic please?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting, โ€œGIVE US YER LOOT!โ€

They were both blonds.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


How come โ€œyouโ€™re a peachโ€ is a complement, but โ€œyouโ€™re bananasโ€ is an insult?

Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


An onion just told me a joke.

I donโ€™t know whether to laugh or cry.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why canโ€™t tomatoes win races against lettuce?

Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?

โ€œCome on, ketch-up!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A manโ€™s bragging about his promotion to vice president got so out of hand even his wife was annoyed.

โ€œLook, being a vice president isnโ€™t that special,โ€ she said. โ€œThey even have a vice president of peas at the supermarket!โ€

Not believing her for one second, the man called the supermarket and demanded, โ€œGet me the vice president of peas!โ€

The clerk replied, โ€œFresh, canned, or frozen?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Yo momma is so ugly, she made an onion cry.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Yo mamaโ€™s so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said โ€œconcentrateโ€.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„





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