Jokes on Valentine’s Day

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Valentine’s Day Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Valentine’s Day Jokes

I’ve just booked a table for me and my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

I hope she knows how to play snooker.

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My wife just called me lazy and said I’d better have something planned for Valentine’s Day.

I said, “Yes, I was thinking of taking the Christmas decorations down.”

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My wife told me she doesn’t want much this Valentine’s Day.

She said “just some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine”.

Kinder Eggs it is then.

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What do single people call Valentine’s Day?

Happy Independence Day.

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My wife rang me at work on Valentine’s Day.

She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They’re absolutely gorgeous.”

I said, “That’s probably why they’ve been sent flowers then.”

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

Hogs and kisses.

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I asked my friend if he’d bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.

He’s a bit of a chauvinist pig, so he surprised me when he replied, “Yeah, I’ve got her a belt and a bag.”

I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it.”

He said, “So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now.”

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What did the watermelon write on his Valentine’s card?

“You’re one in a melon!”

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A boyfriend asks his girlfriend, “What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?”

“Well, I don’t know” she answers shyly.

“OK, that I give you another year to think about it...”

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What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?

His heart! (Well, not his.)

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Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”

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I love Valentine’s Day: the bottle of wine, the heart-shaped ice cream cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching YouTube videos.

Good times.

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