UK Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected UK Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

UK Jokes

A wife was going to the UK.

Wife: β€œShould I bring you something from there?”

Husband: β€œYeah. I’d like an English girl.”

The wife leaves for the UK.

After she returns.

Husband: β€œDid you bring me what I asked for?”

Wife: β€œYes. You’ll get your English girl in 9 months.”

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A German man was visiting the UK.

He asked a local if they knew what the number for the police was.

The local said 999.

The German man walked away and asked another local for the number.

Again, he got the same response.

Confused, he complained about how no one knew the police number.

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Now the UK is out of the EU we can ban pre-shredded cheese.

Make Britain grate again.

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In the UK most people complain about the bad weather.

But Queen Elizabeth managed to get through 70 years and 214 days of continuous reign.

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I love summer in the UK.

My favourite day of the year.

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Why can’t the UK and the USA play chess anymore?

Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers.

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What is great in the US but awful in the UK?

Losing pounds.

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I just found out that the UK doesn’t have a kidney bank.

But at least it has a Liverpool.

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