Enjoy our team's carefully selected Twitter Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Today is 3 weeks in quarantine w/o sugar. Walking 3 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour! I feel great! No alcohol and vegan diet! A 2 hr home workout every day. Lost 14 lbs and gained muscle mass!
I have no idea whose tweet this is, but I’m proud of them, so I decided to copy and paste it!
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In honor of the eve of April Fools’ Day, just remember that tomorrow you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.
Just treat it like it’s any other day.
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What happened when the sparrow flew into the electric fan?
Shredded tweet.
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I loved the sound a bird made this morning.
So I re-tweeted it.
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My pet bird was frantically tweeting, so I gave him some food.
How he signed up for that Twitter account I’ll never know.
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What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts.
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Elon Musk has come up with a foolproof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.
He plans to buy it.
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The good news is Elon Musk is turning Twitter headquarters into a homeless shelter.
The bad news is it can only house 280 characters or less.
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How many Twitter users does it take to change a lightbulb?
30. One to change the bulb, and 29 to cancel it for being brighter than they are.
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What did Elon Musk get when changing Twitter’s name?
A bunch of X-employees.
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The Twitter Files...
... are now the X-Files.
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Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter?
When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends’ houses to show them the picture of your dinner?
No?
Me neither.
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Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them.
To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one.
He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.
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How do Gen Z’er’s make important life decisions?
They take a Twitter poll and go with the most retweeted option.
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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: “Yoooo, I ordered a pizza, and it came with no toppings on it or anything, it’s just bread!”
Domino’s: “We’re sorry to hear about this.”
Customer (minutes later): “Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down...”
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