Twin Jokes



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Twin Jokes


So a guy goes into the hospital for a hip replacement.

He’s laying in the hospital bed, when another guy walks into the hospital room that looks like he could be his twin brother.

Except this guy is slimmer, wearing a stylish blazer, a sharp hat, a goatee and sunglasses.

“Who are you?” the guy asks.

“I’m your hip replacement.”

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I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”

The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.”

The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.

When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air,” the man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course”, comes the reply.

The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Scotland”, replies the second man.

The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Scotland too! Let’s have another round to Scotland.”

“Of Course”, replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks, “Where in Scotland are you from?”

“Aberdeen”, comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it”, says the first man. “I’m from Aberdeen too! Let’s have another drink to Aberdeen.”

“Of course”, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”

“Saint Andrews”, replies the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”

“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Andrew’s and graduated in ’62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

“What’s been going on?”, he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The MacClyde twins are drunk again.”

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What did a llamas mum say about the twin siblings?

They looked like the spitting image of each other.

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What did the drummer call his twin sons?

Tom.

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What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two.

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What’s the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

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Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he’s a bad parallel Parker.

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My twin brothers dressed up as a bird this Halloween, guess what they said?

Trick or tweet.

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