Trucker Jokes



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Trucker Jokes


A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.

The following week, she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, “He was born in a manger.” Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”

Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”

Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”

“From my daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and daddy yelled at him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?!’”

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Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas.

As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them, noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help.

When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn’t have a bucket or a can.

Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan.

He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck, and waved goodbye.

While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by.

He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, “Sisters, somehow I don’t think that’s going to work, but I sure do admire your faith.”

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A farmer named Rick had a car accident.

In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning Rick. “Didn’t you say, at the moment of the accident, ‘I’m fine’,” asked the lawyer?

Rick responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the...”

“I did not ask you for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?”

Rick said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer, and I was driving down the road.”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I’m trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Rick’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”

Rick thanked the judge and proceeded. “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

When the highway patrolman came on the scene he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her near fatal condition, he took out his rifle and shot her between the eyes.

Then the patrolman came across the road, rifle still in hand, looked at me and said ‘how are you feeling?’. Now, what the heck would YOU say?”

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Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?

He ran out of gas.

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A trucker stops for a red light one day and notices a blonde in the car behind.

She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and the blonde says to him, “Hi, my name’s Julie, and I thought you should know you’re losing some of your load.”

The trucker just ignores her, raises the window, and proceeds down the street as the light changes.

A short while later he has to stop for another red light. The blonde in the car is still behind him.

Again, she jumps out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they’ve never spoken before, the blonde says brightly, “Hi, my name’s Julie, and I thought you should know you’re losing some of your load!”

The trucker shakes his head but apart from this, he ignores her again. He raises the window and drives on as the red light changes.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

At the fourth red light, the trucker jumps out of his truck and runs back to the blonde’s car. He knocks on the window and she lowers it.

The trucker says, “Hi, my name’s Steve, it’s winter in Canada, and I’m driving the salt truck!”

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A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it he comes to a low bridge and gets stuck under it. The cars are backed up for miles behind him.

Eventually, a cop car pulls up. The cop gets out and walks around to the truck driver.

He puts his hands on his hips and says to him, “Got stuck huh, sir?”

The trucker replies, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

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As I was driving to work this morning, this truck driver swerved right through the traffic, cutting up the other road users before smashing into the back of a car.

On the back of his truck was a sign saying, “How am I driving?”.

I thought to myself, “I’ve got no idea either.”

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The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, “My truck.”

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What do truckers celebrate in December?

The haul-idays.

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I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.

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