Truck Jokes



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Truck Jokes


So I was driving on the free way today when I got cut off by an ambulance. All of a sudden, one of the back doors swung open, and a cooler popped out and rolled out to the shoulder.

I stopped and picked it up. I opened it and found what looked to be a severed toe. I immediately called 911.

The operator said, “911, what’s your emergency?”

I said, “Yes, I was driving behind an ambulance and a cooler with a severed toe fell out! If you can please inform me what hospital it’s going to, I can deliver it right now!”

The operator replied, “I’m sorry sir, but you can’t transport that. You need a specially certified vehicle to do so.”

I asked, “What kind of vehicle would that be?”

The operator said, “A toe-truck!”

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A farmer named Rick had a car accident.

In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning Rick. “Didn’t you say, at the moment of the accident, ‘I’m fine’,” asked the lawyer?

Rick responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the...”

“I did not ask you for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?”

Rick said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer, and I was driving down the road.”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I’m trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Rick’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”

Rick thanked the judge and proceeded. “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

When the highway patrolman came on the scene he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her near fatal condition, he took out his rifle and shot her between the eyes.

Then the patrolman came across the road, rifle still in hand, looked at me and said ‘how are you feeling?’. Now, what the heck would YOU say?”

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The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, “My truck.”

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A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

A little boy playing in front of his house saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?”

“Fertilizer,” the farmer replied.

“What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy.

“Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer.

“You ought to live here,” the little boy advised him. “We put sugar and cream on ours!”

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Why can’t astronauts eat popsicles?

In space, no one can hear the ice cream truck.

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Ole and Lena are out at the lake, getting ready to put the boat in the water. Lena driving and Ole standing in the pickup bed.

The brakes fail as Lena’s backing the boat into the lake, and the truck submerges.

Lena swims out the open window, but Ole doesn’t come up for the longest time.

Finally, up pops Ole. Lena asks him, “What took you so long?”

Ole replies, “Oh, you know, that tailgate is hard to open!”

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What do truckers celebrate in December?

The haul-idays.

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A farmer has transported his watermelons to a roadside stand to sell.

At the end of the day there are a couple hundred left, and he isn’t looking forward to the tedious process of loading them back on the truck, taking them back to the farm, then reversing the process the next morning.

He comes up with a labor-saving solution: Next to the bin where his melons are carefully arranged, he places a large sign saying “ONE OF THESE IS POISONED”.

Reassured, he goes home to sleep.

In the morning, he comes back to find that someone has written on his sign “Now there are two”.

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What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?

A cheesy pickup line.

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A sixteen-year-old boy came home with a brand-new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”

“I bought it today,” he says.

“With what money?” says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”

The father looks at him like he’s crazy. “Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?” he says.

“It was the lady up the street,” says the boy. “I don’t know her name—they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her F150 for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness!” says the mother. “Maybe she’s mentally ill or has Alzheimer’s something. John, you better go see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting flowers.

He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ford F150 truck for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it.

“Well,” she says, “two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday, I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”

“Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry,” the father says. “But what does that have to do with my son and your truck?”

“Well, this morning he called and told me he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash. He told me to sell his new F150 and send him the money. So I did.”

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Two elderly farmers were reminiscing about the good old days.

“When I had my ranch, I could get up in the morning, get in my old Chevy truck, and drive all day, and still be on my property,” says the Texas farmer.

The old farmer from Kentucky said, “Yeah, I had a truck like that once too... You should have got a Ford, hell. They’ll get ya all the way ta town and back!”

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Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.

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I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.

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Why did the ice cream truck break down?

Because of the rocky road.

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Yo Mama's appetite is so huge she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.

The women need to, buy another, but only have $500.

The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.”

She goes to the market and finds one for $499.

Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.

Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable”.

Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?”

The redhead replies, “She's a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull’.”

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