Tomato Puns and Hilarious Tomato Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Tomato Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Tomato Jokes

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.

Even if it’s cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And vodka.

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A man orders a tomato soup at a restaurant.

As soon as waiter brings the soup.

The Man started yelling at waiter and ask him to taste the soup.

Waiter: β€œSorry sir, we’re not allowed to do that. I will bring you another one.”

The Man yelled at the waiter again and asked him to taste the soup.

The waiter was nervous by now, so he told the man, β€œI will call the manager.”

As soon as manager arrives, the Man starts yelling at him and asked him to taste the soup.

The manager apologies and tells the same thing that it is not in their policy, and he asks waiter to bring another one.

But the man wouldn’t stop asking the manager to taste the soup.

Finally, manager gives up and said, β€œOK. I will taste the soup. Please give me the spoon.”

The man said, β€œEXACTLY.”

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What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma.

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Judge: β€œLady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four weeks in prison, one for each tomato.”

Lady’s husband: β€œYour honor, don’t forget, she also stole a can of peas.”

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An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.

His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.



A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.



At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

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Did you hear about the ketchup thief?

He was caught red-handed.

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I don’t put ketchup and mustard on my hot dog, I relish it.

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Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?

Because the sauce ages.

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There is currently a tomato ketchup shortage in America.

If they run out of mayonnaise too, does that make it a double-dip recession?

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My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.

Now I can’t read anything.

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Dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot.

It caused severe pain to-ma-toes.

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What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?

Don’t look, I’m dressing!

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A woman hurried to a pharmacy to pick up the medication.

When she got back to the car, she found her keys locked inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground.

She looked at it and said, β€œI don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help.

Within five minutes an old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said, β€œYes, my husband is sick. I forgot my keys in the car. Can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, β€œSure.”

He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.

She hugged the man and through tears said, β€œThank you, God, for sending me such a very nice man.”

The man heard her little prayer and replied, β€œLady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft.”

The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, β€œOh, thank you, God! You even sent me a professional!”

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How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out?

He mustard up the courage.

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I was eating a hot dog the other day and when I took a bite, ketchup squirted in my eye...

Now I have heinzsight.

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Why does ketchup on hot dogs spoil early?

Because the sauce-ages.

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Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup?

Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.

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What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?


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What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hot dogs?

Relish today...

And Ketchup tomorrow.

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Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?

Because it refuses to ketchup.

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A mushroom walks up to a tomato and asks him out on a date.

As the evening wears on, the tomato is just sitting there, not saying much and looking miserable.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” the mushroom says. β€œAren’t you enjoying yourself?”

β€œI guess I’m just not a fun-gi,” says the tomato.

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Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?

Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.

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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?

β€œCome on, ketch-up!”

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