Therapist Jokes

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Therapist Jokes

A man goes to a marriage counselor all by himself.

Confused, the marriage counselor says, β€œThis is quite odd, as usually this works better when both partners attend therapy together. Since you already paid for this session, I guess we will just have to pretend she is here and role play. I’ll be your wife.”

The man instantly stiffens up and looks very nervous.

Counselor: β€œHoney, are you not happy in our marriage?”

Man: β€œI can’t complain about that.”

Counselor: β€œIs it the relations?”

Man: β€œI can’t complain about that either.”

Counselor: β€œWell, is it the way I treat you?”

Man: β€œNope. Definitely can’t complain about that.”

Getting frustrated about the lack of any insight, the counselor breaks character and says, β€œI don’t think this is really going anywhere without your wife present. Why don’t you bring her with you?”

Man: β€œNo, that won’t work at all. It has to be just you and me. No role playing, either.”

Counselor: β€œWell, why is that?”

Man: β€œTo you, I can complain!”

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The therapist said to me, β€œYour wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?”

I said, β€œTo be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.”

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On the way to the therapist, I said to my wife, β€œYou’re going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren’t you?”

She said, β€œYeah.”

I said, β€œI knew it!”

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The couples therapist said, β€œSo, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, β€œIt’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, β€œMy truck.”

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My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

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My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.

I’ve done that, but now what do I do with the letters?

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Wife to therapist: β€œHe always misunderstands simple questions.”

Therapist to husband: β€œWhat does she mean?”

Husband: β€œIt’s a feminine pronoun.”

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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.

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My therapist says I’m narcissistic.

How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?

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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

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What did the therapist say to the moon?

Don’t worry, you’re just going through a phase.

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