Enjoy our team's carefully selected Therapist Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A man goes to a marriage counselor all by himself.
Confused, the marriage counselor says, “This is quite odd, as usually this works better when both partners attend therapy together. Since you already paid for this session, I guess we will just have to pretend she is here and role play. I’ll be your wife.”
The man instantly stiffens up and looks very nervous.
Counselor: “Honey, are you not happy in our marriage?”
Man: “I can’t complain about that.”
Counselor: “Is it the relations?”
Man: “I can’t complain about that either.”
Counselor: “Well, is it the way I treat you?”
Man: “Nope. Definitely can’t complain about that.”
Getting frustrated about the lack of any insight, the counselor breaks character and says, “I don’t think this is really going anywhere without your wife present. Why don’t you bring her with you?”
Man: “No, that won’t work at all. It has to be just you and me. No role playing, either.”
Counselor: “Well, why is that?”
Man: “To you, I can complain!”
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The therapist said to me, “Your wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?”
I said, “To be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.”
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On the way to the therapist, I said to my wife, “You’re going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren’t you?”
She said, “Yeah.”
I said, “I knew it!”
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The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”
My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”
I said, “My truck.”
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My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
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My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I’ve done that, but now what do I do with the letters?
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Wife to therapist: “He always misunderstands simple questions.”
Therapist to husband: “What does she mean?”
Husband: “It’s a feminine pronoun.”
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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
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My therapist says I’m narcissistic.
How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
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What did the therapist say to the moon?
Don’t worry, you’re just going through a phase.
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