Enjoy our team's carefully selected Text Message Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I remember the day my ex sent me a breakup text, my mom asked me what I was reading.
I told her, “Tips to cook delicious food.”
And then she asked me why I was crying.
I answered, “I have reached where they are cutting onions.”
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Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
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I’m whatsapping someone in front of Mark Zuckerberg. He asked me who I was texting.
Can I reply with, “It’s none of your business?”
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A man placed an ad online saying “Wife wanted”.
He got hundreds of messages the next day saying “You can have mine”.
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My bank has a new feature where they’ll text you your bank balance. I think it’s pretty cool.
I just don’t think they should end the text with “LOL”, though.
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It’s always difficult texting someone to tell them a loved one has passed away.
Especially when your name is Lol.
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Dating me is fun until I send you 50 texts a day asking if you still like me.
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A lawyer tries a case out of town, accompanied by his corporate client.
After the case is given to the jury, the lawyer and his client wait for the verdict, which doesn’t come in for days. After the second day, the lawyer tells his client to go home, and he’ll let him know as soon as the verdict comes in.
The client goes home but pesters the lawyer every hour or so by text message for an update (of which there is none, of course).
Finally, the jury comes back with a verdict in the client’s favor.
Still sitting in the courtroom, the lawyer texts his client, “Justice has been served.”
The client shoots right back, “Appeal immediately!”
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I messaged my ex on the day before my exam.
I asked if he had any good cheating tips.
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I was waiting on a Zoom call to start, but the client was having technical issues.
The client texted and said, “Please bare with me.”
Thought it was an odd request, but he’s the client.
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Some people wake up finding messages like “Good morning baby”.
I wake up with “Battery full, Remove charger”.
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The other day my friend messaged by saying, “Bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.”
I told him to combine them.
He replied, “Your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
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One time I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message.
30 seconds later I heard my uncle crying in the next room...
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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: “Yoooo, I ordered a pizza, and it came with no toppings on it or anything, it’s just bread!”
Domino’s: “We’re sorry to hear about this.”
Customer (minutes later): “Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down...”
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After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and that it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle’s was cold.
The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.
He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.
His message, therefore, arrived at the home of an elderly preacher’s wife whose even older husband had died only the day before.
When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.
Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:
Dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. The appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
PS. Things are not as we thought. You’re going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.
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Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
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Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
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