Texas Jokes

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Texas Jokes

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and fired a shot into the ceiling.

โ€œWhich one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!โ€ he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

โ€œAlright, Iโ€™m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ainโ€™t back outside by the time I finish, Iโ€™m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I donโ€™t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!โ€

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, โ€œSay partner, before you go, what happened in Texas?โ€

The cowboy turned back and said, โ€œI had to walk home.โ€

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What do you call Texas if it ever successfully seceded from the USA?


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You know youโ€™re in Texas when you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off!

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You know youโ€™re in Texas when you can say 110 degrees without fainting.

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Why do Texas women make sandwiches with their left hands?

Because they have no rights.

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€


โ€œTexas, who?โ€

โ€œTexas are getting higher every year!โ€

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A blind man visits Texas.

When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed, โ€œWow, this bed is big!โ€

โ€œEverything is bigger in Texas,โ€ says the bellhop.

The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge bar stool and orders a beer.

A mug is placed between his hands, โ€œWow, these drinks are big!โ€

The bartender replies, โ€œEverything is big in Texas.โ€

After downing a few drinks, the blind man asks where the bathroom is.

โ€œSecond door to the right,โ€ says the bartender.

The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in.

Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, โ€œDonโ€™t flush, donโ€™t flush!โ€

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