Jokes on Teacher
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Teacher Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I said to the gym teacher, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
He said, “How flexible are you?”
I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
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Now that I’m teaching remotely, I can’t reward my students for their good work.
So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.
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When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
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It was the first day of school.
Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”
“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”
“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”
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Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
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My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.
She used to say “You shall not pass!”
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There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.
One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable with his driving.
The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?”
To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”
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In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.”
He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.
He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
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The judge rose from the bench and said, “Madam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”
Then he smiled as he said, “Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times ‘I will not pass through a red light.’”
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Because the class was so bright!
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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
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Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.
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“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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