Enjoy our team's carefully selected Summer Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him.
Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, “What’s your secret?” The guy whispers, “All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants.”
In a flourish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants.
But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror.
Confused, he hurries over to the first guy and desperately asks, “Why are all the girls running away from me?”
The first guy looks up and replies, “The pickle’s on the wrong side.”
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I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.
She said, “Yes!”
I said, “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.”
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A woman asks a waiter, “What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?!”
The waiter says, “Shivering, madam.”
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My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer.
I told her no. I ate it on the couch.
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Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
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Wife: “I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?”
Husband: “Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.”
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Everyone during the summer tries to make sure they have an air conditioner.
But no one has any air shampoo.
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One hot summer afternoon a police officer pulls into a yard.
The police officer then gets out of the car, and asks an old gentleman, “Who owns the property?”
The old man tells the officer that he does, and asks what he can do for him.
The officer, “I’m here to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.”
The old gentleman says, “Well, you go right ahead, but whatever you do, don’t go into that field over yonder,” pointing out a fenced parcel of land.
The officer, “Mister, I’m a law enforcement officer authorized by the federal government of our nation.”
Reaching into his pocket, he removes his badge and shoves it right in the old boy’s face, “You see my badge, buddy? This badge means that I’m allowed to go wherever I wish, anytime I wish. Do you understand me? No questions asked.”
The old gentleman nodded his head yes politely, softly apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old gentleman heard someone screaming in absolute terror, coming from where he’d told the officer not to go.
He looked over at the pasture and saw the officer running for his life, chased by a very angry bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it appeared likely that the policeman would be gored by the bull’s horns before he could reach safety.
Realizing the horrible danger that the policeman was in, the old gentleman ran to the field’s fence as fast as he could, determined to do whatever he could to help.
Reaching the edge of the pasture, the old gentleman quickly climbed to the top of the fence, waving his arms frantically and screamed at the very top of his voice, “Your badge, officer, show him your BADGE!”
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I love summer in Canada!
It’s my favorite day of the year!
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Because the class was so bright!
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What does the sun drink out of?
Sun-glasses.
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Your mama so hot, when she visits Antarctica, locals call it summertime.
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A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?
Mario Sunburnt!
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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