Enjoy our team's carefully selected Student Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, βHereβs a pill for English literature.β
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
βWhat else do you have?β asks the student.
βWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,β replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, βDo you have a pill for math?β
The pharmacist says, βWait just a moment,β and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
βI have to take that huge pill for math?β inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, βWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.β
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Chocolate is like guns.
If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.
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Yo mama so fat, her school pictures were taken by a satellite.
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Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.
He comes upon a question:
What separates the head from the body?
Ahmed answers:
The axe.
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I told my dad I couldnβt believe Iβd failed my biology exam.
He said, βIβm your mum!β
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During a biology exam, a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
Heβs unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
β Contains all the nutrients a baby needs.
β Doesnβt need heating.
But he still needs one more.
And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
β Has great packaging.
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Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?
Because school is only 6 hours a day!
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because he didnβt have a dog.
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An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, βMr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of Β£1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to Β£1,100.β
The student said, βI see. The ethics question is βDo I tell the client?ββ
βWrong answer! The question is βDo I tell my partner?ββ
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A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, βYour money or your life!β
The student keeps walking and says, βSorry mate, Iβm a Computer Science student. I donβt have either.β
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A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, βExcuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?β
The Harvard student replies, βAt Harvard, you donβt end a sentence with a preposition.β
The kid said, βSorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?β
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Teacher: βTake a seatβ.
Student: βWhere do you want me to take it to?β
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What would happen if you took the school bus home?
The police would make you bring it back!
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Who should be your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!
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Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
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Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she wonβt let me sleep in class.
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