Street Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Street Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Street Jokes


Where should you visit after Sesame Street?

Thyme Square!

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A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.

He stopped one of the runners and asked, β€œWhat’s happening?”

The runner replied breathlessly, β€œA lion has escaped from the zoo.”

β€œOh my, which way is it heading?”

β€œWell, you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”

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A guy calls 911 and says, β€œI need an ambulance, my wife fell down and can’t get up.”

The operator says, β€œOk, sir. I’m afraid our GPS is down, so I’m going to need you to give me your street address.”

The guy replies, β€œWe live at 355 Kosciuszko Street.”

The operator responds, β€œCould you please spell that for me, sir?”

The guy pauses and says, β€œYou know what, I’m just gonna drag her over to Elm Street.”

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What do you call a guy who urinates on the streets of Europe?

European.

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What a strange morning.

First, I find a hat full of money in the street.

And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!

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A man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town.

One day his neigbhour called the police, because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets.

When the police came they asked the man, β€œWhat are you pouring on the streets?”

The guy said, β€œI was pouring anti crocodile liquids.”

The officer said, β€œBut there are no crocodiles in this town!”

The guy said, β€œYou are welcome!”

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I’ve given up social media for the New Year, and I am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works. I alreadyΒ have three people following me... two police officers and a psychiatrist.

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An IRS auditor is walking down the street when a mugger stops him.

β€œGive me your money!” the mugger says. β€œYou can’t do that!” says the IRS auditor.

β€œOh,” the mugger comments. β€œWell, in that case, give me MY money.”

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2 peanuts were walking down the street.

One was assaulted, the other got aroasted.

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The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, β€œI’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk.”

The wasted wino asked, β€œOfficer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. β€œLet’s go.”

Obviously relieved, the wino said, β€œThat’s a reliefβ€”I thought I was a cripple.”

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A boss was waiting in his office one day when he noticed that all of his workers were missing.

He waits a few more minutes before the first worker comes in.

β€œWhy were you late?” asked the boss.

Sounding exhausted, the worker says, β€œSorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.”

The boss thinks nothing of it and sends the worker off.

The next 2 workers come in to check in and the boss asks them the same question, β€œWhy were you late?”

The workers give the boss the exact same reason, β€œSorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.”

The boss thinks that he must be losing his mind, but sends the workers off anyways.

Finally, the last worker comes in and the boss says, β€œLet me guess, your car broke down on the way to work so you tried the bus, but the bus broke down so you hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately, you were near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and you had to jog the rest of the way?”

The worker said, β€œNo boss, you got it all wrong, you see, there were so many broken down cars, buses, cabs, dead horses and crazed joggers in the streets, it was impossible to get through.”

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Whenever autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colorful leaves.

It sounds better than saying I’m a street sweeper.

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Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae and a lemon cheesecake.

I thought, β€œThe streets are strangely desserted tonight.”

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An accountant is walking down the street when he comes across a bum.

β€œSpare some loose change?” asks the bum.

β€œAnd why should I do that?” asks the accountant.

β€œBecause I’m broke. Haven’t got a penny to my name and nothing to eat,” says the bum.

β€œI see,” says the accountant. β€œAnd how does this compare to the same quarter last year?”

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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, β€œWhat’s the word on the street?”

β€œOnce my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.”

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