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Spider-Man Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Spider-Man Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Spider-Man Jokes


Spider-Man Jokes Clean



What does Spider-Man do when he gets angry?

He goes up the wall.

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Why is Spider-Man so good at climbing walls?

Because he is Peter Parkour.

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Why was Spider-Man such a bad driver?

Because he was always spinning out.

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In baseball, Spider-Man likes the outfield because in that position he catches the most flies.

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What do you call Spider-Man when he quits The Daily Bugle and starts working as a valet?

Peter PARKER.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite food?

French flies.

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What does Spider-Man use when he wants to be stealthy?

The Dark Web.

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I went on a date with Spider-Man, but he was super clingy.

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I really needed Spider-Man to come and save the day, but he said he couldn’t get out of the bath.

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Did you know that the internet was invented by Spider-Man?

That’s why it’s called The World Wide Web.

If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.

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Spider-Man Jokes for Adults



Why did Spider-Man quit his day job?

He was tired of being a web developer.

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What do you call it when Spider-Man is involved in a love triangle?

A tangled web.

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Why did Spider-Man flush the toilet?

Because it was his duty!

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An Iranian on taking revenge on America:

β€œAmerica has no hero that we can target. It’s a huge country, but no real heroes. Who are we going to assassinate there? Spider-Man? SpongeBob?”

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Why America failed to save the world from Coronavirus?

Thor is in Asgard.

Iron Man died.

Captain is now old.

Hulk doesn’t have much power.

The rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona.

And China ate Spider-Man and Batman.

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Spider-Man was found dead this morning.

Police believe he committed insecticide.

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The last twenty-five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, I've lived through more Spider-Man re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

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When we were children, we used to refer to our granddad as Spider-Man.

He didn’t have any special powers, he just couldn’t get out of the bath without any assistance.

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Spider-Man 1: β€œHomecoming”

Spider-Man 2: β€œFar from Home”

Spider-Man 3: β€œHomeless”

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I am half Spiderman, half batman and half moon knight...

Poor.

With no powers.

With mental disorders.

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Why is Superman stupid?

Because he wears his underwear over his pants.

Why is Batman more stupid?

Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear.

Why is Robin even more stupid?

Because he followed what batman did.

Why is Wonder Woman stupid?

Because she wears a belt on her head.

Why is Spider-Man the most stupid superhero of them all?

Because he wears his underwear over his head.

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My boss told me, β€œDress for the job you want, not the job you have.”

Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Spider-Man.

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Spider-Man Jokes About May



Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months on his calendar?

Because he lost May.

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Spider-Man became a vigilante.

Meanwhile, Aunt May became a vigil auntie.

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Why was Aunt May worried about Peter Parker?

He was spending too much time on the world wide web.

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Spider-Man Pick Up Lines Funny



I want to love you the way Peter Parker love Gwen Stacy.

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I don’t want to be Spider-Man, I just want to be your man.

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I can wrap you up in my web anytime you want.

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I want to trap you in my web and never let go.

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Boy, it looks like you’ve been caught in my web... of love.

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High five! Oops... I guess you’re now stuck with me.

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You’re so fly, all I want to do right now is wrap you up and take you to my web.

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I have a lot of experience catching women who’ve been thrown off their feet, feel free to fall.

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If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?

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Spider-Man came all the way down here to tell me I dropped his phone number.

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Every Spider-Man needs a Mary Jane...

Can you be my Mary Jane?

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Hi, is your name Sony?

Because I’m Spider-Man, and baby, I’m all yours...

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I’m not Superman, I’m not Batman, I’m not Spider-Man...

But I’m your Man.

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My spider senses tell me you’re going to fall for me harder than Gwen Stacy.

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Spider-Man One-Liners Funny



Spider-Man borrowed his mom’s car to take it out for a spin.

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Spider-Man and Black Widow first met on the web.

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If you’re looking for Spider-Man, you can always find him on the web.

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A few guys in Spider-Man costumes walked into a bar.

Apparently, they were web designers!

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I wanted to ask Spider-Man to connect my TV, but I couldn’t find Maguire.

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Spider-Man likes toy tops because they are always spinning.

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Anyone can learn to climb a wall like Spider-Man, you just need to stick to it.

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I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.

He was great at catching flies.

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I tried to call Spider-Man, but he was busy browsing in the web.

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Funny Spider-Man Puns



What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?

Amazon Web Services.

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What do you call Spider-Man with 20 eyes?

Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider-Man.

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Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?

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If Spider-Man suddenly runs out of web when he’s chasing bad guys, what is he called?

Peter Parkour.

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Why does Spider-Man have such good comebacks?

Because with great power comes with great response-ability.

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What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?

They bug the villains!

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Why does Spider-Man spin webs?

Because he doesn’t know how to knit.

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Where does Spider-Man poop?

Web-ever he wants.

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How does Spider-Man communicate with all his superhero buds?

On the World Wide Web.

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Why did Spider-Man decide to join the swim team?

Because he had webbed feet!

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Which part of a computer is Spider-Man’s favorite?

The web cam.

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Where does Spider-Man get his power?

From the World Wide Web.

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Why does Spider-Man get so frustrated with the World Wide Web?

Because Google thinks his name is Spiderman, not Spider-Man!

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What did Bruce Banner say to Spider-Man?

Don’t bug me!

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What does Spider-Man put in his beverages?

Just ice.

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What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?

A Spin-Off.

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What is the name of Dr. Strange’s cousin who can’t do magic?

Doctor Normal.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite day of the week?

Flyday.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite part of the joke?

The punch line!

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What did people start calling Spider-man when he started to stop minding his own business and started interfering in others?

Nosy Parker.

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Why did all the tissue roll in the wall mart not enough for Spider-man?

Because Spider-man was more into flypaper kind of tissue roll.

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Why could Spider-man not drive a car decently even once?

Because he always confused drifting with spinning and end of in accidents.

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Which ankle did Spider-Man twist after tripping on the curb?

Ankle Ben.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite sport?

Fly fishing.

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What does Spider-Man do when he’s not fighting crime?

Web Development.

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Why doesn’t Spider-Man like rice?

It reminds him of Uncle Ben.

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What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka.

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Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?

He has Peter Parkinsons.

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What do you call it when Spider-Man defeats Iron Man?

Tony Stuck.

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Why does Spider-Man never get caught cheating on his wife?

He’s an expert at spinning a web of lies.

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What do you call Spider-Man when he parks his car?

Peter PARKER.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite Disney movie?

Peter Pan.

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Why doesn’t Spider-Man like to talk to Bruce Wayne?

Because he has bad breath.

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What disorder will Spider-Man get as he ages?

Peter Parkinsons.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?

Peter parkway.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?

Spot-a-fly.

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What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?

Pita Parker.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite exercise?

Spin class.

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Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?

They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.

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What would you call if Spider-Man starts jumping around buildings instead of swinging using his spider webs?

Peter Parkour.

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Spider bite created Spider-Man. What would a dog’s bite create?

Doberman.

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Why do the Avengers keep calling Spider-Man over to fix their computer?

Because they heard he’s a web developer.

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Spider-Man gets a job in the CIA.

What does the officer tell him?

Spy-there-man!

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Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he’s a bad parallel Parker.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite pastime?

Surfing the web.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite brand of rice?

Uncle Ben’s.

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