Speech Jokes



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Speech Jokes


In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.

As they donโ€™t have the right to freeze peach.

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A stairway builder was retiring.

On his last workday the manager held a speech for him in the lunchroom.

โ€œThis man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of each other and reach heaven!โ€

The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly, โ€œOh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement stairs...โ€

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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him, โ€œIโ€™m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!โ€

The driver agrees, โ€œYouโ€™re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I donโ€™t know anything about science, I could giveย the conference in your place.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s a great idea!โ€ says Einstein. โ€œLetโ€™s switch places then!โ€

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he wonโ€™t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question.

The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says, โ€œSir, your question is so easy to answer that Iโ€™m going to let my driver reply to it for me.โ€

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A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.

Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.

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Elonโ€™s opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention...

Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?!

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Memo from Director-General to Manager:

Today at 11 oโ€™clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes.

As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park.

Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse and giving some background information.

Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes.

For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.

The Director-General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director-General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse.

This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven.

This will be safe if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director-General will eclipse the sun for two minutes.

This doesnโ€™t happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director-General disappear.

It is a pity this doesnโ€™t happen every day.

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A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards.

Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just canโ€™t read his notes.

So, he says to the audience, โ€œIs there a pharmacist in the house?โ€

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