Spain Jokes

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Spain Jokes

Some years ago, a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.

The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town.

When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said, โ€œYou see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single-lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, this house could be built.โ€

The following year, the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayorโ€™s house: gold taps, marble floorsโ€”it was marvelous.

When he asked how this could be afforded, the Greek said, โ€œYou see that bridge over there?โ€

The Spaniard replied, โ€œNo.โ€

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What moisturizer do Spanish bullfighters use?


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Why did the Spanish Inquisition yank out peopleโ€™s molars?

Because they wanted the tooth, the whole truth, so help them God.

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Iโ€™ve finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

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Once, there was a man who came from Spain to America.

He couldnโ€™t speak English, so he went to a choir and learned how to say, โ€œMe me me me me me.โ€

Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say, โ€œHe stole my dolly.โ€

On his way home, he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say, โ€œBig butcher knife, big butcher knife.โ€

Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say, โ€œPlug it in, plug it in.โ€

Later, he went to the store, and there was a murder.

The police said, โ€œWho killed this man?โ€

The foreigner said, โ€œMe me me me me me.โ€

The police said, โ€œWhy did you kill him?โ€

The man said, โ€œHe stole my dolly.โ€

The policeman said, โ€œWhat did you kill him with?โ€

The man said, โ€œBig butcher knife, big butcher knife.โ€

Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.

The policeman said, โ€œAny last words?โ€

The foreigner said, โ€œPlug it in, plug it in.โ€

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My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year, and he still canโ€™t say the word โ€œpleaseโ€.

Which I think is poor for four.

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So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.

He said, โ€œSi.โ€

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What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?

Quatro sinko.

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What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?

Me ghosta.

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Did you hear about the Spanish woman who is now a man?

Heโ€™s called Senor Rita.

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In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls.

But the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€


โ€œSpain, who?โ€

โ€œSpain to have to keep knocking on this door!โ€

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Chuck Norris speaks English, French, Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese.

At the same time in every sentence.

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A man from Peru decided to visit America, although he spoke no English.

Upon reaching it, one of the first things he did was go into a department store.

He found his way to the menswear department, where a young lady offered to help him.

โ€œQuiero calcetines (I want socks),โ€ said the man.

โ€œI donโ€™t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,โ€ said the salesgirl.

โ€œNo, no quiero trajes, quiero calcetines (No, I donโ€™t want suits, I want socks),โ€ said the man.

โ€œWell, these shirts are on sale this week,โ€ declared the salesgirl.

โ€œNo, no quiero camisas, quiero calcetines (No, I donโ€™t want shirts, I want socks),โ€ repeated the man.

โ€œI still donโ€™t know what youโ€™re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack,โ€ offered the salesgirl.

โ€œNo, no quiero pantalones, quiero calcetines (No, I donโ€™t want pants, I want socks),โ€ insisted the man.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair.

Holding them up, he proclaimed, โ€œEso sรญ que es (Now thatโ€™s it)!โ€

โ€œThen why didnโ€™t you just spell it in the first place?!โ€ yelled the salesgirl.

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What is sun-bathing called in northern Spain?


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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.

While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.

The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, โ€œMira el mosca.โ€

The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, โ€œNo, senor, โ€œla moscaโ€, es feminina.โ€

Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, โ€œGood heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.โ€

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